Title: Survivors - We're going to need a bucket{A bucket for what? Gonna puke?}
Recapper: watty
Additional snark: GayNow {in bold pink}
Rating: R
Disclaimers: BtVS characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. Survivors concepts and characters belong to Terry Nation, Terence Dudley, the BBC and others.
Summary: Don't know what a recap is? Read up on televisionwithoutpity.
Notes: Thanks to RKTers for another successful collaboration. justin for survivors. Hermitfish Media Inc for the commercials. Diet Coke and PG Tips for the caffeine. And Car's cats for their general all round cuteness.

On man, talk about BLEAK. {I don't wanna.} Everyone's sick. It's like the pandemic that the experts have been predicting for bird flu. Well, they've been warning that we're all gonna die of avian flu {is that anything like Evian flu? The dreaded virus caused by overpriced WATER...it's WATER, people!} since 2004, and we're still waiting for it. {Well, you may be waiting for it. But I'm perfectly happy living my current unhealthy life.} I don't know how many people the WHO predict will die from the coming pandemic, but if it's anything like what we're watching I'm afraid. Very afraid. {Yes, you're paranoid.}

We're on a farm. {**looks around** We are?} Tara is sick, she has bad flu symptoms and looks like she's run 2 marathons back to back. While carrying a semi on her back. Actually scrap the truck, I'm picturing the iron anvil that drops on Wile E. Coyote, which is a sign of how my weird mind works. meep-meep {I really don't wanna know.} (watty: awww c'mon, you love being in my brain, you know it.)

Her loser Dad does his loser thing and tells her she has to continue with her chores. What a jerk. {Make up your mind...he's either a loser or a jerk.} (watty: what about a jerk-off?) So Tara goes out to get eggs. Eeeep! Doesn't she know anything about not coming into contact with chicken? [*Um, first off, touching eggs doesn't give you bird flu. Second, this show isn't about bird flu. Get with the program. And NO SARS jokes, or you will be very sorry -- Sars*] {I'm with Sars on this one...lay off the bird flu. But I'm okay with the SARS jokes.}

She gets the eggs but promptly drops them and they break into an ugly mess of runny whites and gooey yolks. Why? Cos her dad's a jerk. I wish. No, she's sick, remember? And she faints. She wakes up in cold sweat and still looks like shit. {This is Tara we're talking about here...she never looks like shit. A bit peaked, maybe, but never like shit.} We know she's sick because she has an IV on her arm. Seems that her family helped brought her inside the house, even though they're jerks. Why? Because she's the one bringing home the eggs. {But is she bringing home the bacon?} Are you with me so far? She explores the house, looking for the jerks, but she doesn't find anyone. Instead of rejoicing at her newfound aloneness and freedom, she goes outside to look for them even more.

She finds her dad dead (or is it dead dad? deadbeat dad? I need to be respectful to the dead) in the barn. She gasps in shock and cries. Even though he's a jerk, she cries for him since she is a nice person. Yes, that's what the director is telling us. She's an ultra nice person. I make a note in my little notebook with tiny pink hearts on the cover. {At which point you promptly barfed in the 'rubbish bin' because you realized you just had a sappy moment.}

Next she finds her dead brother. She cries too. Yes yes yes. She has a kind heart. She drags the two bodies to the same spot, because they need to be jerks together, even in the afterlife. [*Yes, it's interesting how jerks congregate and propagate -- Sars*] {At least they can't procreate, cuz....eeewwww!}

She sets off to the village to look for answers. It's deserted. Oh except for the body of a bobby. No, not Bobby. The policeman type of bobby. Hee, I'm British. {Ya giddy Brit!} (watty: giddy?) She goes to her doctor and goes through his files. {Is that what they call it in Britain? [/snerk]} I suppose when everyone around you is dead you are allowed to violate personal privacy laws. {I'm okay with Tara going through the files-as long as the dead people themselves aren't violated. Cuz, again, eeewww!}

She finds her own file and man, that doc's attitude annoys me even though he's MIA and presumed dead. {Especially because he's MIA and presumed dead-Tara can't beat the crap out of him for giving up on her.} He says that he visited Tara (hence the IV in her arm) but doesn't think she'll survive. {And now I have images of Tara standing on a hay bale singing "Oh no not I! I will survive! As long as I know how to love, I know I'll be alive!" I'm feeling giddy over the image.} Man, doctors aren't supposed to be pessimistic. They're supposed to save their patients' lives. Makes me think she has Dr. Gregory House as her physician. Oh, off topic, I still can't believe Hugh Laurie plays House. {And I just got naughty images of Hugh Laurie and Imelda Staunton frolicking about in their skivvies "playing house"-it's a bit frightening.}

More OTness, I came across a Dashboard widget that displays your remaining time on this plane of existence. {Is it a DC-10 or a 747?} Appropriately it's called DeathWatch and man, it's creepy, though every random date I enter seems to give me a life expectancy of 80 or even 90 years old. Heh. I still don't want to know when I will die, it's like at the end of Six Feet Under when Claire drives into the sunset while we see how and when everyone dies. Admittedly there are huge benefits to knowing when I'm gonna die (like, I don't need to renew my annual cable subscription, or better yet ... pay credit card bill, if I know I'm gonna be offed next month), I'll put in my vote to not know. They say there are the inevitables in life, taxes and death. But just when my death will be, I want to keep it a surprise, okay? {So that mafia hit on you that I have planned...you don't want to know about that?} (watty: Oh, you didn't know? I talked to your Aunt Carm and it's all sorted -- Guido and Tony will be hitting Disneyworld instead.)

Alright, topic. {Thank you.} After the visit to the doctor's office Tara goes to the church. If the doctor's office is creepy, the church is like the ultimate horror trainwreck. {Are we projecting again?} (watty: you really know how to push my buttons, dontcha?){Careful, watty...that might be too much of an inside joke.} Tara does her best Halley Joel Osment impression {she's not short enough} and before you can say "I see dead people" she's outside by the church door puking her guts out. There are bodies everywhere, even one hanging by the bell rope. I just hope they don't turn into zombies. {Wrong alt-verse, watty...stick with the program.} (watty: C++?)

Okay, now she starts panicking as she realizes she may be the only one left in the village. Possibly the state. Or country. Or the world. {You have a knack for the hyperbolic.} She ponders this as she buries her loser dad and loser brother. Gives new meaning to Ultimate Survivor. Ding! She doesn't win a million bucks. She doesn't Outwit, Outplay or Outlast. {You're having a cross-over crisis. I think you should seek help.} The only good thing is she doesn't need to listen to Just Peachy preach. If she really is the only person left on the planet, then of course her wealth far exceeds the million mark. But then who does she pay when she buys goods and services? Herself? What's the point of flaunting your wealth to yourself? {Perhaps she'll develop multiple personalities...then she can have conversations with her selves, lend her selves money, charge her selves exorbitant interest. Could be fun.}

She doesn't want to be Ultimate Survivor, despite the amazing wealth she potentially has. So she starts a bonfire (not of the vanities, heehee) to attract any passers-by.

Now we come to the expositionary part of the program and the obligatory flashback. It's five days ago, when humankind was still intact. Willow and Xander work at the hospital and they're losing their fight against this unknown flu virus. They exposition that they've run out of medicine. {Can 'exposition' be used as a verb?} (watty: in the same way 'impactful' can be used as a superlative. *smooches to Sally*) The meds are useless anyway. Everyone in the hospital are leaving, jumping ship. Don't blame them. A pretty nurse by the name of Cecile {hey! Cecile is back!} tells Willow she should leave too, before she too succumbs and like, dies. {Yeah, that would like, suck.} Cecile sounds wise. How wise? You know all this "when I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom"? Substitute Mother Mary with Nurse Cecile, and you get the picture. If I were Willow, I'd leave with her, this girl's quite a looker too. {This is true, but Tara is waiting for Willow...so, "let it be."} (watty: I'm supposed to groan here, aren't I?)

But out of some twisted sense of guilt or Superman syndrome, Willow stays at the hospital. {Our spunky redhead is just dedicated. Give her a break, ya cynic.} At the end of her shift, she goes to the break room and falls asleep. Ha! The number of times I've seen Mark Greene go into an empty room or a closet to sleep, I just know someone's gonna wake her up. Oh man, it's Xander in ICU. He's bad. Some time later, we cut to Willow running toward his room, only to see docs trying to shock him back to life. No can do. "Time of death, fifteen thirty two." Even more time later, Willow is released by her supervisor and told to leave London before she dies too. {It's clear that Willow is beloved by many...no one wants to see her die. The rest of the hospital staff? Fuck ‘em! Let ‘em die! DIE! DIE!!!! **ahem** I feel better now.} (watty: you're kinda sick. But I still love ya!)

She drives and drives. See earlier in this recap re: Claire driving into the sunset at the end of SFU. There are no similarities. {Ya don't say!} Eventually she pulls into a service station and clues into the fact that something is wrong [*You mean even more wrong -- Sars*] when she tries to shop for some supplies and army guys shoots at her. She escapes by the barest skin of her teeth. {Someone get this girl some Colgate! She has skin on her teeth! Eeeewwww!!!!}

Then what does she do? She walks for hours and hours, while knowing that armed and dangerous men are out there. Why doesn't she hide? Or more importantly, why doesn't she steal a car? {Or maybe she wants to stay as far away as possible from the INFECTED bodies. Or maybe she doesn't want to attract attention to herself by being the ONLY vehicle driving around. Or maybe it just adds to the plot suspense.} May be she doesn't know how to hot-wire, but really, she's not thinking straight. {Thank the Goddess for that! I hate it when hot women think straight! They need to think GAY!}

We see her again looking like complete shit {See above re: looking like shit and apply to Willow as well.} and I'm confused because it's apparently she's been walking for a day. Doesn't make sense. It's like in action films where the heroine overpowers the armed guards of the bad guy's fortress but continues on her exploration without taking the guard's gun. Why, why, why? {A firm believer in gun control? Maybe Willow is trying to help out with the energy crisis.}

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She sees smoke far away and somehow she finds the energy to run toward it. It's Tara burning the farm. {What story were you reading? She didn't burn the farm...she was burning shit around the farm. Skimmer!} (watty: author's license! Burning up the whole farm reads more interesting than burning shit around the farm.) God knows why, she needs the shelter and food. May be she's a pyromaniac? No time to wonder why because Willow faints at the sight of Tara. {Wouldn't you? And, are we sure that was a faint and not a swoon?}

Willow wakes up in the bedroom and sees an angel called Tara. {Why is she always an angel? Why can't she be a cherub or a sprite?} (watty: alright, alright. She's a Sprite. A Diet Sprite Zero or Sprite 3G or even Aruba Jam Sprite Remix) They spend some time introducing themselves and connecting. Willow tells Tara she walked from London and about the militia. Tara tells Willow how happy she is that she isn't Ultimate Survivor. {Seek therapy, watty.}

And they spend the next few days and weeks in near domestic bliss. Considering it's clear that they're immune to the virus attack, they have a good thing going. They ruin the bliss by embarking on a project to find other survivors. Why? {You've already established that Tara and Willow are nice, caring people. Of course they want to find others. Because they are nice and caring! Sheesh!} Willow goes out to forage every day, and they put a bat signal up at night. Again I ask why? To get the attention of the militia? They should just hole up and stay out of trouble, in my opinion. {Imagines watty singing "It always feels like somebody's watching me" -- PARANOID.} (watty: ) After all, as Tara says when Willow asks whether they're okay for food, "this is a farm." Snerk.

It's also clear that the attraction between them is growing. So again why spoil it by having other people in the house? {Potential orgy? Oh wait...Kitten Board...FAQs...nevermind.} They can fend for themselves easily enough, even if Willow has to learn how to chop wood. {Well, she's not much for the timber. Of course, I guess that might make her want to chop up that wood. Oh, bad mental image!} (watty: Bobbitt!) Hee. It's no good chopping wood with an axe if you're gonna almost decapitate your love with it. Uh-oh, did I say love?

Anyway, they're living in domestic bliss, making pancakes for breakfast, watching the snow, giving massages to each other (hmmmmm) and then one day Willow spies Tara singing. {'Spies' her singing? So, she can see the singing? Can she hear it too? Just wondering. [/snerk]} She's in love. One of these days they're gonna have to kiss. And we fade to another scene where they do (hmmmmm). I learnt a new word recently, {SEMI-COLON! Not a comma.} it doesn't fit this show, but what the hell. That kiss is Hawt! {**Rolls eyes** Dork.}

Another month of domestic bliss. The theme is domestic bliss. I think the writers are trying to contrast the domestic bliss [*Okay! I'm sick of 'domestic bliss,' think of another phrase please -- Sars*] with the bleakness of the world outside. All the more reason for not bothering with that world. {So, in the last recap, you exhibited your issues with puppies and commitment. Now you're showing your issues with being around people and your paranoia. Yes, definitely seek help.}

But the world comes knocking eventually. Giles and his two god-daughters arrive and invite the girls to join him at the community he's building. Surprisingly upbeat ending for this episode, considering all the death. {Yet, it's refreshing. You want all darkness and despair? Sicko.} There's even a gay joke. Will this turn into a darker version of the Eden Project? Or deteriorate into MTV: Real World? No clue. I'm holding onto my secret stash of Tamiflu, thank you very much. {Tamiflu, huh? I bet you have a few other secret stashes.}

Producer: justin.

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