Title: Fraggle Rock - It's so awful, I just have to sing about it! {Please don't.}
Recapper: watty
Additional snark: GayNow {in bold pink}
Rating: R
Disclaimers: BtVS characters belong to Mutant Enemy, Fox, The WB, UPN and others. Fraggle Rock characters belong to The Jim Henson Company, TVS, the CBC, HBO and others.
Summary: Don't know what a recap is? Read up on televisionwithoutpity.
Notes: Thanks to RKTers for another successful collaboration. DarkWiccan for the fraggle-y goodness. Hermitfish Media Inc for the commercials. Apple for the macbook. And Car's Mom for all the food.

Today is a sad day for me. I'm thinking of my vacation last week when I had to say good-bye to my dear friends and to the Windy City. {Aaahhh! It's the end! It's the end! Woe is watty!}

Heh. It's not exactly the truth because I wrote this recap in April after the ep aired on WTTV and I'm posting in May. But since I know which date I'm posting (except for the unexpected postponement last week), I can project to what I would be feeling. It's so fake, everything can be projected ahead of time nowadays. {Except, of course, what day I will finally have sex again. Damn, long distance relationships suck! And batteries ain't cheap.} For instance I might predict that on Thursday 21 September 2006 at exactly 9.21am (ie 9.21 on 9.21) I'm gonna go to my fridge to get a diet coke and I find that I've run out, so I will be cranky. Will I make it a self-fulfilling prophecy by deliberately not putting diet coke in my grocery list the weekend before? {Fulfilling your own prophecy by deliberately not having diet coke? The real question is: Are you prophecizing or simply being a pain in the ass? I vote for the latter.} Is that a hint for people to make sure my fridge is stocked up? All these emotion-by-appointment is making me all sorts of fucked up. {Now diet coke is an emotion? Wow! The folks at the Coca-Cola Corporation are good.}

Aaaaaanyway, I'm way off topic. Sars and Wing asked (aka told) me to recap this classic tv series. LOL. I can't believe they think I can do it since I haven't seen a few of these shows. No, I'm not dropping hints about how young [*ahem -- Sars*] I am, I'm just saying I haven't seen these shows. Not buying it, eh? Fine. *pouts.* {Oh look, the 12-year-old has come out to play again. No pigeons to harrass, watty?}

Right. Moving swiftly to the actual recap. It's the Fraggles.

We're at Old Man Doc's workshop. {**looks around** We are?} Old Man Doc has a date! Whoo-hoo! When was the last time Doc had a date? {Hey, at least he's got a date. I'm still running out of batteries.} I dread to think. {Me too. Batteries are expensive.} May be during the 70s? The 1870s? Snerk. I'm bad; he's alright, that Doc. Sprocket, on the other hand, is not a happy bunny, or should I say doggie. {Yes, you should.} He's long considered Doc as his one and only ... and any HoYay! insinuations are not intended because ... ewwww to zoophilia. [*Might I remind you that this is a children's program? -- Sars*] But that's not all. {I think you mean, "But wait! There's more!"} Doc's date, one Lumila Perkins, doesn't like dogs. Catfight time! {Now you're calling Sprocket a cat? You have animal issues.}

Meanwhile, underneath Doc's workshop and unbeknownst to Doc or Sprocket {They don't know much...well, Sprocket knows that he llluuurrvvs Doc}, we celebrate Tara Fraggle's 600th day birthday. By the way, if they celebrate birthdays, shouldn't we be celebrating birthyears instead? Worth pondering. [*not -- Sars*] She is painting a surprise for her best friend Willow Fraggle. Willow comes in and ruins the surprise, both figuratively and physically, by crashing into the painting. {But she was so cute as she did! Little Willow Fraggle and all of her fraggle-y exuberance.}

They discuss Tara's 600th day birthday. Now that Tara doesn't need to be carded (an honor that extends only to those over 600 days old), she needs to start worrying about relationships, as one is wont to do when one reaches that certain age. She is excited at the prospect of choosing her Complement, which in Fraggleland is the G-rated version of, um, spell partner. (See the definition of "doing spells" under the She-Ra recap, coming soon to your screen.) {I've read the She-Ra contribution..."coming soon" is definitely an appropriate phrase. I think others would agree. }

She is confronted with a veritable buffet of complementary choices. [*groan -- Sars*] {Mmmm...Buffet.} For appetizer there's Indecisive Wembling "Sidekick" Wembley, who is always eager to please. {snerk} For main course there's Cool Orange "the Fonz" Gobo, who is brave and cool and lusted after by all the girl fraggles. {Do Fraggles lust?} For salad there's Felix "Fearless" the Fearless, who isn't really in the running, because who goes for the salad in a buffet? {My grandmother...but she's so cute when she does. Okay, she's cute all the time.} (watty: yeah she is. Plus she's 92, so extra cuteness.) Oh, and if her tastes run to a different style of buffet, there's Cuddly'n'Cute "I'm a Cheerleader" Cecile {Is she Megan or Graham? Mmm...Clea Duvall. } and Everbright "Blonde Ambition" Fiona {Madonna wannavirginbe?}. Can I just take a moment to comment on the actress who plays Cecile? {You may, but you'll have to make up for the lost moment later.} Hubba bubba. <*Um, yeah, Fraggles are puppets. Got a thing for puppets, Watty? -- DW*> (watty: okay, you two are just ganging up on me.) Oh, and I want her cool messenger bag, the one she was wearing when she delivered Tara's official Ritual letter. It's even cooler than the Hedgren one that I bought with my new macbook that is now sitting in a basement somewhere in the Mid-West.

Truth is, Tara has her eye on a different buffet altogether. {Mmmm....Buffet.} There is only one course and one dish available at this buffet. Now if you don't know, you must have been sleeping in the Caves of Forgetfulness because how can you not know that Tara Fraggle and Willow Fraggle are two fraggles who are fraggily made for each other? {They're Fragalutely Fragglicious!}

The problem is, even though Tara is undeniably drawn to the red moppet, Willow is underaged and cannot be Tara's Complement. She wants Tara to wait, but Tara isn't sure. If she waits the 150 days before Willow is eligible, she becomes the fraggle equivalent of hopeless old maid and she doesn't want to have to face the other fraggles like that. {And she would have to get a dozen cats. And cats are bigger than Fraggles. Tara Fraggle would be eaten by her own pussy! ... Okay, everyone take part in the collective groan.} Besides, she has been looking forward to this Great Ritual of Choosing for 350 days, which is a long long time in the fraggle lifetime *nods sagely*. {Wake up, watty! Stop nodding off like that.} (watty: What? The couch is so comfy.)

Willow feels the brunt of Tara's rejection and mopes. Tara realizes she's in a quandary and mopes too. There's a whole lotta moping going on. {Moping moppets...could be dangerous.}

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We're back with Old Man Doc {**looks around** We are?}, who is busy beautifying himself for his date. [*A man of his age doesn't beautify himself, the most he does is wash under his armpits -- Sars*] Sprocket is consumed with jealousy and begs Doc to stay with him. Unfortunately his double twisted pike front somersault followed by barks that spell out the morse code of "b-w-me" was mistaken to be a good luck wish. Before he skips out of the house [*And again, a man his age doesn't skip -- Sars*] Doc pats Sprocket on the head and is proud of himself that he can decipher his dog's signals. {How can men expect to understand women when they can't even figure out dogs? Sheesh! Oh, wait...I can't figure out women either. Nevermind.} (watty: heh. Join the club.) {Only if there's a secret handshake.}

Gobo has again been to the room at the end of the tunnel, aka Doc's workshop, to bravely retrieve the latest postcard from his Uncle Traveling Matt. He is relieved that the nasty giant furry, four-legged beast with sharp teeth wasn't around this time to chase him. {Seems like you've got puppy issues, watty.}

Gobo tells Sidekick Wembley about the latest. This time, Uncle Matt's postcard is so very topical, for he talks about the mating ritual of the Silly Creatures from Outer Space. Their ritual consists of giving each other shiny objects and attacking each other until one of them is defeated and falls on the ground. You gotta watch the ep to truly appreciate how Uncle Traveling Matt totally misinterprets the human proposal ritual. {"Misinterprets"? I think Uncle Traveling Matt is pretty accurate here. Though, throw in a little chocolate pudding or strawberry Jell-O and it's a party!} (watty: just jell-o? Not a jell-o pool?) {Depends on what you do with the jell-o...oh wait...kids' show.} (watty: heh, reminds me of that convo we had at the ice cream store.)

Gobo also tells Wembley that he will choose Tara as his concub-complement. {Careful, watty.} Little does he know that Willow is hiding just behind him and overhears everything he says. She's very sad and dejectedly goes home. {Does she "dejectedly go home" or "go home dejectedly"? And should I have the ? inside or outside the quotation mark? I'm just glad you didn't try to use a semi-colon!} She sees no future {And this is where Fraggle Willow breaks into showtunes from Rent -- "There is no future, there is no past."}; she knows she isn't in remotely the same class as Gobo {Nope..she's two years ahead...skipped a couple of grades.}, but she doesn't want to be there to see her love choose someone else. With tears in her eyes she packs, leaves a note and runs away. {What a weenie.} (watty: what's with the weenie obsession lately?) {I wish I knew.}

As is the case in all these situations, the minute, no ... the microsecond Willow turns the corner, Tara comes over and knocks on her door. {Oh, the humanity! Um...Oh, the Fraggality! Or something like that.} She has good news. But all she finds is Willow's bitter note. She is sad too and runs to blow on the Fraggle Horn to alert everyone that Willow has run away. {I could make a snarky comment about Fraggle Tara blowing the Fraggle Horn, but I'll refrain. As Sars said, it's a kids' show.} She smacks herself up that she is the cause of this. {Smacks herself up? Is that anything like knocking herself up? Damn...kids' show. Sorry.} She is so upset that she breaks into song. Hmm, next time I'm upset I'm gonna start singing too. {I will allow this ony if you sing "I'm a little teapot." Otherwise, no singing from you.} (watty: )

Willow has reached the Belching Boulder, and her mind is in seventeen different places as she starts telling the boulder about her woes. The boulder burps. What does Willow expect? Sound advice? A friendly ear? Offers to help win Tara's heart? {A fresh, fragrant aroma?} It's a rock, Willow. That belches. It's not qualified to give counseling advice. If the National Counseling Association (or whatever name it goes by) starts admitting rocks, it may as well start giving out qualifications to killer whales and garbage heaps. {Hey now! Oscar the Grouch is quite the sage!} (watty: he goes with onions? *is confused by the blank looks* sage & onion stuffing? ) {No...but he smells like onions. Does that count?}

Oh wait, Tara arrives. {Thank you for not saying, "Tara comes"...cuz, whole different fic. Um, yeah. } Willow acts like she's overdosed on the bitter pill. But Tara says she has good news. Willow's like how can any news be good. Tara explains that she's been studying the rules and like the good fraggle lawyer that she one day will become, she's found a loophole. It turns out that 600 days is the eligibility criteria for the chooser, not the choosee. [*er, you mean chosen? -- Sars*] Well, I would have thought a rule as fundamental as that will be well known, but then again laws are made to be obscure aren't they, otherwise how could lawyers justify charging the sky and heaven (or in the case of fraggles, the ceiling of the tunnel) so they can read through the complicated legalese that they developed for the sole purpose of confusing the general public. <*Exactly! Thank you for providing my justification; saved me having to come up with it -- DW*> {Holy shit, this is a long ass sentence!!!}

They run back to the Great Hall where, as if by magical timing, <*A key ingredient to every good fantasy kids show, thank you very much -- DW*> the Ritual of Choosing is about to start. Tara chooses Willow and they get all shy with the small glances and the hand brushing. {Are you sure they are just brushing hands? Right...kids' show. **waits for Sars to fire me**} They decide to get married. Well, the actual term is Complementing each other for at least 100 days, but that's their world. In our world, it's as good as getting married. {But, really, what constitutes "as good as getting married" even in our world? At least Fraggle Tara didn't have to choose Gobo for it to be recognized as a real act of Complementing.} (watty: political moment much, Car?) {I'll have another in about 9 years.} And it's a good way of committing to each other -- you only have a commitment for 100 days, afterwards you're free to continue. Or not. Takes the foreverness out of a relationship, which is probably why the human divorce rate is so high. {Okay...puppies and commitment...two watty issues.}

Speaking of human dating habits. Doc comes back from his date and it's clear he won't be going out for another date any time soon. {Finally, Doc and I have something to talk about...lack of datage.} He chooses Sprocket, who launches into another set of somersaults and coded barking to convey his pleasure. {Well, Doc clearly doesn't have puppy or commitment issues...especially not when committing to a puppy. And really icky thoughts just went through my head. **shudders**}

It's like the coming of the Aurora Fragglialis. A sky full of beautiful colors is coming. {Will there be a non-kids' episode to let us know if Fraggle Willow and Fraggle Tara are coming too?}

Fraggles happy.

Producer: DarkWiccan.

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