Author: Chris Cook, with help from Cyd
Rating: R
Copyright: Based on characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, created by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Characters, concepts, and anything else ripped off from Marvel and DC belong, funnily enough, to Marvel and DC. No drugs were consumed during the writing of this story (which is more than the original Superfriends writers can say, if you ask me - seriously guys, how did Toyman build an artificial planet inside a black hole? Huh?).
Thanks: To Hermitfish for allowing me to play with the Special Friends, and doing a revision that added a bunch of extra jokes.

Deep in the bleak and dismal swamp outside Snowydale, the Hall of Perpetual Corruption rose, disturbing the peaceful siesta of the swamp's resident Stock Footage Alligator. Within (the Hall, not the Alligator), the Legion of Impractical Malice schemed its improbable schemes.

"Why do we have to live in this dump?" Principal Corrupt Principles complained. "The roof leaks. And this is a swamp!"

"Silence!" Warren, the Legion's de facto leader and resident dyspeptic rodent look-alike demanded from his podium.

"My mansion was better," Mr. Broodypants muttered darkly.

"Your mansion got blown up," Jonathan sniped. "And the swamp was all we could afford. Land prices in Snowydale are at a ten-year high, and we spend all our money on schemes that never work."

"True, the Special Friends have thwarted us time and again," Warren admitted, trying out the smile he thought of as Machiavellian, but which in fact suggested not enough fibre in his diet. "Even with our new members, the Legion has had little success in tackling those accursed Gay Guardians."

"Just give me one more shot at them!" the Principal boasted. "My new formula Licentious Sensory Dust-"

"Olaf crush Special Friends!" the Legion's newest recruit interrupted, punching a hole in the horseshoe-shaped meeting table for emphasis. Several similar holes were testament to previous occasions on which Olaf the Troll had spoken, on practically any topic. His thoughts, such as they were, invariably were apt to be emphasised by violence to furniture.

"Silence!" Warren reused his favourite phrase. "Though we are amply evil, I have concluded that our schemes need more genius in order to succeed. And seeing as there can be no-one more genius than myself, I have taken the only logical step possible!"

Warren pulled a cable, which caused a toilet to flush. Hastily he pulled another cable, causing a tattered curtain to drop from the corner of the Hall, revealing none other than a perfect duplicate of Warren himself!

"Behold!" Warren announced. "Robo-Warren!" The Legion regarded their new comrade with varying degrees of disinterest, distrust, and in Andrew's case, mental disrobing.

"My flawless computerised mind has devised a foolproof scheme to defeat the Special Friends," Robo-Warren stated in a cheap approximation of a robotic-sounding voice. "This plan is comprised of three stages. Stage one will commence with Olaf attacking the First Bank of Snowydale-"

"Olaf smash Bank!" Olaf declared, finishing off the table once and for all and storming out of the Hall. There was an embarrassing splash from outside, then the ongoing sounds of a furious troll wading through a swamp, and the Stock Footage Alligator protesting at being trodden on.

"We're finally going to get some money?" Jonathan grinned hopefully. "Can we get, you know, new clothes? It's starting to smell in here."

"Costumes!" the Principal barked.

"Negative," Robo-Warren said. "Olaf is a diversion. While the Special Friends are intercepting him, we will strike the Snowydale Museum of Science..."

Meanwhile, in the Cave of Non-Stop Sapphic Monkey Love, the Wonder Lesbians were living up to their name in the Super Vixen Bed, engaging in activities both lesbian and wonderful. Until the Rainbow Phone of Integrity rang.

"What?" Willow snapped, pulling off her blindfold and snatching the phone off its cradle.

"Wonder Lesbians, Snowydale needs you!" Captain Tea Cozy announced urgently, to a background of shouts and crashes. "Some kind of super-powered troll is raiding the bank, and-"

"Fine, we'll be there in a minute," Willow grumbled. "Tara, are-" She turned to see Tara's feet on the pillow next to her. She looked down the length of the bed, as Tara tossed back the bottom of the sheet and looked up.

"So that's how you were doing that," Willow mused.

"Blinding Flash!" Overt Sexuality Gal shouted, taking advantage of the newly-installed Velcro strap holding her top together. Olaf the Troll reeled from the power of her super-bosom.

"Drop the loot, varmint!" Cowboy Guy demanded, wielding his Cattle Prod of Truth with gusto.

"He's bleedin' tough," Nancy Gym Bunny observed, as one of his dumbbells bounced off Olaf's hide without visible effect.

"Get these civilians back!" Princess Repression called. "I can't use a Represso Bomb with innocent bystanders around!"

"I'm trying," Captain Tea Cozy lamented, "but every time Overt Sexuality Gal uses her powers they keep trying to get closer... Crumpet Pitch, you fiend!"

"Grraarh!" Olaf complained, as the tea tray bounced off his forehead. He grabbed the concussed alligator tied to his belt and swung it at Princess Repression, causing Overt Sexuality Gal to take a flying leap to save her.

"Oof!" Princess Repression gasped as Overt Sexuality Gal landed on her. "You shouldn't do that-"

"Sorry hot stuff," Overt Sexuality Gal said, scrambling to her feet. "No time for anything wrong at the moment."

"Not even a little wrong?" Princess Repression pouted. Whatever Overt Sexuality Gal's reply would have been (though her expression suggested she was tempted to make time for at least a little something wrong), it was drowned out by a sudden tornado of noise and wind from above.

"Da plane...da plane!" a short bystander cried.

"The Plane of Invisibility and/or Interdimensional Transport!" Cowboy Guy exclaimed.

"And not a moment too soon," Captain Tea Cozy agreed. "I'm running low on crockery."

Willow and Tara appeared in mid-air as they climbed out of their plane's invisible hatch, and leaped dramatically to the ground in front of Olaf.

"One chance, Olaf," Tara warned.

"People need those savings to buy toaster ovens and classy DVDs of a lesbian nature," Willow concluded.

"Olaf crush Wonder Lesbians!" Olaf proclaimed optimistically.

"Can't say we didn't warn him," Willow shrugged, as she and Tara struck even more dramatic poses.

"WONDER LESBIAN POWERS ACTIVATE! FORM OF... what works against trolls?... AN ASS-KICKING BILLY GOAT OF LAWFULNESS!"

In a blinding flash even more blinding than Overt Sexuality Gal's, the Wonder Lesbians transformed into a shining half-machine billy goat, and kicked Olaf so hard that his bags of ill-gotten gains, and the much-put-upon alligator, flew right out of his hands, and he himself flew far into the sky, in the general direction of the Snowydale swamp.

"Great work, Special Friends," the Snowydale Police Chief said, running onto the scene, "and especially you two, Wonder Lesbians." The cyborg billy goat transformed back into Willow and Tara without delay.

"Not a problem, Chief," Tara smiled.

"But stealing bags of money seems a bit unambitious for the Legion of Impractical Malice," Willow wondered.

"Indeed!" the Chief agreed, readied with information to move the plot along. "That's what I need to tell you - while that troll was robbing the bank, the rest of the Legion broke into the Snowydale Museum of Science and stole all the exhibits from the Doomsday Devices of the Modern Era exhibition!"

"Holy Teatime!" Captain Tea Cozy exclaimed in dismay.

"I said that exhibition was a bad idea," Willow complained. "Captain Tea Cozy, I thought you said you'd deal with it?"

"I sent them a very stern letter," Captain Tea Cozy said stuffily. "It beggars belief that the Museum would nonetheless have gone ahead with it..."

"We've got no time to lose!" Tara concluded. "There's no telling what the Legion of Impractical Malice will do with a plethora of apocalyptic contraptions at their disposal, so-"

She was interrupted by a bright flash of light, and when it cleared there were two more people present. One was a statuesque, powerful-looking blonde with close-cropped hair in a blue bodysuit and red cape, the other was a slim, lithe redhead in starry panties and a gold-embossed breastplate. Even more confusing than their sudden arrival, however, was the fact that they were Willow and Tara.

"Where are we?" the newcomer Tara demanded.

"Who are you?" Overt Sexuality Gal demanded right back.

"I'm Superbutch," the second Tara replied.

"And I'm Wonder Femme," the Willow with her added.

"Okay," Wonder Lesbian Willow muttered. "This just got weird."

Tara shot a look at her.

"-er," she added.

Back at the Hall of Rampant Homosexuality, confusion abounded.

"I don't get it," Princess Repression shook her head, sitting awkwardly on Overt Sexuality Gal's lap at the Rainbow Meeting Table. The seat that was normally hers was occupied by Wonder Femme and her partner Superbutch, who were now one of no less than thirty-eight pairs of Willow and Tara to unexpectedly materialise.

"You could," Overt Sexuality Gal replied as she drew her lips around her index finger as if it were a naughty lollypop.

Princess Repression shook her head once more as her cheeks flushed with warmth. She continued, "Why would the Legion of Impractical Malice make more super-heroines appear?"

"There must be some nefarious purpose at work," Captain Tea Cozy predicted.

"The Wonder Lesbian Analyser confirms it," Tara, the original, put in, reading from a stack of yellow print-out cards the supercomputer had spat out, after being fed the situation and a list of the Museum's exhibits. "The Legion must have combined the stolen Atomic Dimension Doorway with the Superhero Locator Back-Tracker Beam. Willows and Taras from all manner of parallel Earths are being drawn to this dimension, specifically to us."

"But why?" Cowboy Guy questioned. "Why'n tarnation would they do that?"

"What are we going to do with all of them?" Captain Tea Cozy added, as another pair materialised on top of the table in mid-kiss, only to be rather startled at their sudden change of locale.

"Can't you use the plane to take them home?" Cowboy Guy asked Tara.

"No," she shook her head sadly. "Whatever the Legion is doing, it's got the Interdimensional part of the plane confused."

"The Hall of Rampant Homosexuality is running out of make-out spots for them all," Nancy Gym Bunny complained. "Tara-Vell and Willdragon commandeered my workout bench and locked me out of the gym!"

"And when I went to have a shower, Aquatara and Sea-Will were already in there getting... uh, wet," Princess Repression added, blushing.

"Peeking?" Overt Sexuality Gal grinned lasciviously.

"Certainly not!" Princess Repression replied primly, squirming away from Overt Sexuality Gal's questing hand. All eyes, especially Tara's, went to Willow as she entered, a computer print-out in her hand.

"The Analyser has come up with a theory," she said, reaching for the Cookie Jar of Sugary Goodness. "It seems that our parallel universe selves, while they're not causing any trouble themselves- aah!"

"Sorry," Sparrow and Wasp, a miniaturised, winged Willow-and-Tara pair, said sheepishly as they emerged from the cookie jar. "Birds and bees, you know..."

"While they're not causing much trouble themselves," Willow went on, "are indeed part of a typically convoluted scheme that will benefit the Legion of Impractical Malice incalculably."

"Impossible!" Superbutch protested, with Wonder Femme nodding in support. "From what you've said this Legion is very much like our world's Celibacy Clan, and none of us would ever help anyone like that!"

"We're far too heroic to even consider it," a newly-arrived Captain Gay Love insisted, from the sofa where she was cuddled up to Iron Willow.

"Exactly the problem," Willow said gravely, as another Willow and Tara popped into existence behind her. "We're heroic, all of us. And as we all know, there are forces of natural balance in the world."

"Of course," Captain Tea Cozy nodded. "We've long suspected that's why the Legion, inept as they are at everything else they turn their hand to, nonetheless continually frustrate attempts to incarcerate them. If the world has Special Friends and Wonder Lesbians, it must have the Legion to counteract our homoerotic and Sapphic heroism."

"But right now the world has..." Willow paused and did a quick mental calculation, taking into account yet another pair of heroines appearing beneath Cowboy Guy's chair, "...at least a hundred Wonder Lesbians, or our equivalents, and more appearing all the time."

"The balance is being disrupted," Tara concluded.

"And seeing as, we're reasonably sure, there aren't extra supervillains materialising, the Legion are becoming more powerful as the natural balance grounds itself in the nearest available vessel," Willow nodded. "Their ability to enact preposterously complicated evil schemes could reach dangerous, even competent, levels."

"We have to stop them!" Princess Repression burst out.

"Right away!" Overt Sexuality Gal added, also bursting out, due to all the use her Velcro top had been seeing lately.

In the Legion of Impractical Malice's low-rent swamp, a mighty erection had risen.

"Will you stop staring at Robo-Warren?" Jonathan chastised Andrew. "The Special Friends will be here any minute, we need to be ready!"

Towering over the Legion's none-too-impressive headquarters was the result of their work, two enormous steel globes side by side - one containing the Dimensional Doorway, the other the Locator Back-Tracker - between which an energy vortex whirled suggestively. The various Legion members looked on gloatingly, with the exception of Olaf who was nursing a headache, and Mr. Broodypants who considered the entire structure 'too gay'.

"Dimensional transfer number one hundred seventy-eight," Robo-Warren announced. "Recalculating evil coefficient."

"My Licentious Sensory Dust grows in power with every passing minute!" Principal Corrupt Principles crowed. "Soon it'll be powerful enough to subdue the whole town of Snowydale in a single strike!"

"I feel almost as mighty as when I had my Rod of Conformity," admitted Mr. Broodypants. "I miss my Rod..."

"I could build you a new one," Jonathan offered. "I've been devising super-weapons at a fantastic rate! And a lot of them are actually working."

"Maybe," Mr. Broodypants shrugged. "It won't be the same as my own Rod, but I suppose playing with your Rod wouldn't be so bad..."

"Evil coefficient calculated at three thousand percent of normal, and increasing exponentially," Robo-Warren announced.

"Are you programmed for, uh, social interactions?" Andrew asked.

"My flawless computerised mind has no time for these so-called 'social interactions'."

"Oh..."

"Silence!" Warren announced, from where he had positioned his pedestal right before the heart of the doomsday device's orifice. Everyone agreed it was a very fitting place for him. "The Special Fools and their new allies are on their way!"

"Olaf not want to fight lots of Wonder Lesbians," Olaf complained. "Two Wonder Lesbians hurt Olaf enough for today."

"I've explained this already!" Warren snarled. "You're exactly as powerful as they are, except that your power is concentrated in you, while their power is spread inefficiently across all of them!"

"Math not Olaf's strong suit."

"That must be it," Tara announced, looking over Willow's shoulder from the pilot's seat of the Plane of Invisibility and/or Interdimensional Transport. Due to space restrictions they had had to share the single seat, which they didn't mind at all. Judging by the moans and various sounds from the co-pilot's seat behind them, Dykedevil and the Rainbow Lantern didn't mind sharing a seat either.

"What is that?" Princess Repression wondered, as she and Overt Sexuality Gal piloted the Hovercraft of Environmentally Friendly Mass Transport, carrying the bulk of the Willows and Taras, through the swamp. Even from a distance away the twin globes of the Legion's diabolical contraption loomed high into the night sky.

"Just as we thought," Willow said. "They combined the Atomic Dimensional Doorway and the Superhero Locator Back-Tracker Beam into a single device to locate and transport our equivalents from every parallel world here!"

"A dimensional back door," Nancy Gym Bunny grinned, sharing the saddle of Cowboy Guy's Mecha-Stallion of Virility. "Well they're gonna get one hell of a shock when I plug their back door with my Dumbbell of Abdominal Perfection!"

"And my Cattle Prod of Truth!" Cowboy Guy put in.

"Both at once?" Captain Tea Cozy wondered, parking his Reasonably Priced Automobile of Unassumingness a safe distance from the likely battle. "My word, I wouldn't want to be the Legion when that happens..."

"Hang on," Power Tara warned, from where she was flying ahead of the Plane of Invisibility and Etc. "My telescopic vision is picking up hostiles taking up defensive positions."

"Confirmed," Willow said. "Scanners show the full Legion of Impractical Malice - and as we feared, their individual evil ratings have been increased exponentially!"

"What's our plan?" Overt Sexuality Gal asked.

"Every moment we delay only makes them stronger," Tara warned. "We have no choice but to defeat them now, no matter how dangerous the attempt may be. Let's take them down!"

"Special Friends, for Truth, Justice and Gay Love!" Captain Tea Cozy announced. The battle cry was taken up by the various interdimensional heroines, each in their own manner.

"Sapphic Avengers Assemble!" "Sweet Valentine's Day!" "We're the best there is at what we do!" "I am Batwoman!" "For the Rainbow Lantern Corps!" "Gay love on!" "Oh my starry garters!" "We'regonnabevictoriouswe'regonnabevictorious..." "Sixty-Nine!" "It's lesbianing time!" "Incredible Hottie Smash!"

"Open fire!" Warren ordered his malevolent and temporarily mighty minions. Mr. Broodypants let fly a beam of shame from his Imitation Rod of Conformity which enveloped dozens of flying heroines, Olaf hurled the long-suffering Stock Footage Alligator at the Plane of Invisibility and So On, and Andrew and Jonathan took aim at the Hovercraft of Environmentally Friendly Mass Transport with their newly-constructed Type 2 phasers.

"They work!" Jonathan gloated, as twin red beams erupted from their instruments. "We finally got phasers that work!"

"They're still not as cool as my Type 2 replica in original packaging," Andrew noted sagely.

"Olaf crush Special Friends!" Olaf bellowed somewhat pointlessly as he halted the lurching hovercraft with a single punch.

"Blinding Flash!" Overt Sexuality Gal shouted, leaping from the stricken craft as her assets leapt from her stricken costume.

"Urgh! Olaf hate Blinding Flash!" Olaf complained, staggering back, but regaining his balance with worrying ease.

"Well you've got no taste then," Princess Repression countered, unleashing her ultimate attack on the troll as he charged. "Represso Bomb!"

"Beam of Prudishness!" Mr. Broodypants yelled, brandishing his faux Rod and disrupting the vortex that Princess Repression had unleashed.

"He... he nullified my Represso Bomb," Princess Repression said, aghast.

"Get a noseful of this!" Principal Corrupt Principles cackled, hurling a Licentious Sensory Dust bomb from his freshly-built flying PCP Sled. Overt Sexuality Gal tackled Princess Repression out of the way, but several of the heroines emerging from the hovercraft behind them weren't fast enough, and were engulfed in a mind-altering haze as the bombs went off.

"Lesbians down!" Captain Tea Cozy warned.

"Are they okay?" Willow worried.

"Wow," Sapphic Sentry giggled, "I don't usually feel this weird..." Will Dorado staggered into her and leaned on her shoulder while she played with airborne sparkles no-one else could see.

"We can cure them later," Captain Tea Cozy assessed, "but they'll take no further part in the battle for now. Crumpet Pitch... oh, blast!" he added, as Jonathan batted his projectile crockery out of the air with a lightsaber. Cowboy Guy and Nancy Gym Bunny were having troubles of their own, weaving madly through the sky on the Mecha-Stallion of Virility, pursued by a swarm of model USS Enterprises remote-controlled by Warren.

"It's time to end this," Tara said. Willow nodded and took her hand as they leapt from the Plane of Invisibility and Stuff and landed in the midst of the fighting.

"WONDER LESBIAN POWERS ACTIVATE! FORM OF AN AMAZONIAN GODDESS OF HOTNESS!"

In a blinding explosion of rainbow light the pair transformed into a fifty-foot-tall Amazon, with bow, spear, chainmail bikini top and short short leather skirt and all.

"Wow," Voyeura said to herself, glancing up.

"Hey, you're meant to be looking at me," Scarlet Exhibitionist complained, whacking her partner on the shoulder.

"Yes!" Warren shouted from atop his pedestal. The Willow/Tara Amazon strode forward and swung her spear at him, but before it could connect Warren went into a blur of hyper-speed inventiveness, constructing a Mega-Cannon of Low Self-Esteem that blasted the Amazon from her feet. The entire swamp shook as she landed on her back, and reverted to Willow and Tara in a confused swirl of energy.

Warren scowled as his new weapon suddenly fell to pieces in his hands.

"Are you alright?" Captain Tea Cozy enquired as Willow and Tara staggered to their feet.

"Ugh... We've had better days," Tara said wryly.

"What was that?" Willow asked. "He just invented that on the spot, that's much more evil genius power than the Analyser predicted!"

"I've got a hunch," Tara said gloomily. "Warren's evil geniusing got more powerful when we activated our powers - and when we powered down, his whatchamacallit fell apart."

"There's a connection to you specifically?" Captain Tea Cozy asked, providing a doily which Willow and Tara used to wipe the swamp water off their hot super-costumes.

"I see where you're going," Willow nodded, thoroughly cleaning Tara's chest. "What if the hot gay love power/stupid evil jerk power balance is being channelled through us? We're the native Wonder Lesbians to this world, after all - perhaps the balancing effect from all the other Willows and Taras needs us to earth itself in the Legion."

"But your powers are dormant now," Captain Tea Cozy pointed out. "And the Legion is still considerably enhanced."

"Even without our powers active, we're still lesbians, and wonderful," Willow noted.

"Considerably," Tara agreed. "But if we use our powers, we make the Legion even more ridiculously powerful."

"Good Lord!" Captain Tea Cozy exclaimed.

Not far away, Overt Sexuality Gal was in something of a pickle.

"Blinding Flash!" she shouted, her breasts' fortieth or so appearance barely keeping Olaf from reaching her and Princess Repression. "It's no use, he's too strong!"

"But I'm out of Represso Bombs!" Princess Repression cried.

"Sorry, sweet thing," Overt Sexuality Gal said. "I guess my sexuality just isn't overt enough this time." Olaf strode forward, alligator raised to strike.

"Well then I guess mine will have to do," Princess Repression said grimly. She stepped in front of a confused Overt Sexuality Gal and, in one swift motion, tore her dress off.

"Total Flash!" she yelled defiantly, knocking Olaf off his feet.

"Nice," Overt Sexuality Gal grinned.

"This is desperate," Willow said, seeing the various Willows and Taras and other Special Friends in dire straits, as opposed to in dire straights, which would be desperate in a completely different way.

"But maybe..." She looked uncertainly at Tara.

"I think so," Tara said heavily. "One last transformation..."

"If we use our powers and turn into... non-wonderful..."

"Non-lesbians," Tara completed. "We'll break the conduit and de-power the Legion at the same time."

"It's our only chance," Willow said, with tears flowing down her cheeks. "But there'll be no going back..."

"We'd never be able to transform back to our wonderful lesbian true selves," Tara agreed. She sought out Willow's lips for one last kiss, then took her hand and the two of them stood upright before the battle royal going on around them.

"They're going to do it!" Warren gloated from his pedestal.

"Ugh, we're about to get out butts kicked again," Jonathan bemoaned.

"No!" Warren insisted. "This was my... well, Robo-Warren's, plan, all along! Even if the Special Friends defeat us today, the Wonder Lesbians will be powerless forever! Next time they'll have no way of stopping us! The Legion of Impractical Malice will rule the world!"

"Where is Robo-Warren, anyway?" Jonathan wondered.

"WONDER LESBIAN POWERS ACTIVATE! FORM OF... OF..."

"I can't do it!" Willow cried.

"Me neither!" Tara lamented. "I'd give up the powers in a heartbeat, but to give up being lesbian would mean giving up you."

"What can we do?" Willow sobbed. "They can't win without us, but anything we turn into will only help the Legion... wait!"

"What?" Tara asked, suddenly hopeful.

"I've got it!" Willow yelped. She whispered quickly into Tara's ear, not ignoring the opportunity to give her earlobe a quick lick.

"Willow you're brilliant!" Tara beamed. "Let's do it!"

"WONDER LESBIAN POWERS ACTIVATE! FORM OF... VICTORIOUS LESBIANS!"

In a rainbow swirl Willow and Tara transformed into shining, gold-clad versions of themselves, embodying the strength and courage of every lesbian ever to not become evil, get killed, or mysteriously turn straight by the end of the movie. They joined hands and summoned a rainbow energy blast between them, aiming straight at Warren's perch at the centre of his enormous back door.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Warren shouted, seeing his foes threatening to gain the upper hand. "Robo-Warren, what's our counter-strategy for that? Robo-Warren!"

Robo-Warren emerged from the Hall of Perpetual Corruption with the top of his head hinged open, pursued by Andrew, who was carrying The Complete Idiot's Guide to Android Programming.

"My flawless computerised mind contains no counter-strategies," Robo-Warren intoned.

"What?" Warren yelped in disbelief. "I designed you to be able to devise plans for anything!"

"That programming has been deleted to make room for new instructions," Robo-Warren said in his customary monotone. "My function is now to attend to the needs of my one true love Andrew. Would you like a foot massage my dear?" he added to Andrew, who was looking sheepish but not exactly unrepentant.

"You-" Warren began to yell at Andrew, just before he and his pedestal were blown clear over the Hall of Perpetual Corruption by a rainbow energy blast.

"Now, Cowboy Guy, Nancy Gym Bunny!" Willow shouted into the sky, as Warren's remote controlled Enterprises went out of control and collided with each other.

"Right!" Nancy Gym Bunny grinned. "Let's give the blighter a dose of oiled, toned action!"

"Anytime," Cowboy Guy agreed, attaching his Cattle Prod of Truth to the Dumbbell of Abdominal Perfection, creating a truly uncomfortable-looking weapon which they hurled with all their might into Warren's back door. The titanic construction exploded heartily, and as the remaining Legion members gaped in dismay at it, the Special Friends and their parallel universe allies pressed their advantage and overwhelmed their dumbfounded foes.

"All done!" the Wonder Lesbians announced, passing through the meeting room of the Hall of Rampant Homosexuality on their way from the hangar to their personal (and private) laboratory.

"All the other Willows and Taras are back in their proper realities?" Captain Tea Cozy asked.

"Yup," Willow confirmed. "Courtesy of the now-working-properly-again Plane of Invisibility and/or Interdimensional Travel."

"And now, we're off to... have some personal time," Tara finished, dragging Willow by the arm into the laboratory.

"Okay, I'm feeling like myself again," Princess Repression announced, appearing from the Hall's voluminous wardrobe in a new dress.

"That's good," Overt Sexuality Gal said vaguely. Princess Repression sat next to her, looking worried.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Eh," Overt Sexuality Gal shrugged. "In the battle, I flashed my boobs so many times trying to take down that super-powered troll... I guess I'm just a little sexualitied-out."

"But you're Overt Sexuality Gal," Princess Repression frowned. Unsatisfied with her partner's non-committal shrug, she pondered for a moment, then arrived at a decision.

"I shouldn't do this, because it's wrong," she said to herself, "but..."

Nervously, she reached over and very lightly swatted Overt Sexuality Gal's leather-clad ass. Overt Sexuality Gal blinked in surprise, then, slowly, a lascivious grin spread across her face.

"Let's you and me visit the Hygienic Spa Bath of Various Activities," Overt Sexuality Gal suggested, grabbing Princess Repression's hand and leading her away.

"Andrew, I am going to kill you," Warren grumbled. "I am going to figure out a way to pick the locks on these chains, then I am going to build a death ray, and I am going to kill you."

"B-but..." Andrew stammered.

"You appear tense, dearest," Robo-Warren put in. "Do you require a back-rub?"

"Hey! Back to work!" one of the two guards overseeing the Legion's incarceration ordered. The various super-villains in the chain gang hefted their sledgehammers and got back to breaking rocks.

"Olaf crush rocks," Olaf observed happily.

"Shut up," Principal Corrupt Principles sneered.

"At least all those extra Wonder Lesbians are gone now," Jonathan said.

"Not all be gone home," a strange voice announced. Someone loomed up behind the two guards and bonked their heads together like coconuts.

"Wha... who are you?" Warren asked, as strange, angular versions of Willow and Tara in matching purple and gold costumes stepped over the unconscious guards and faced the Legion.

"We am Bizarro Wonder Lesbians," evil Willow announced.

"We are join with Legion of Impractical Malice," evil Tara added. "And make destroy Special Friends for all time! Ahaha! Haha! Haha!" she and evil Willow laughed together...