Return to Adventures of the Special Friends: Curse of the Wicked at Heart

Adventures of the Special Friends

Author: Cyd
Rating: R
Summary: There is a threat to Christmas that has to be stopped...yeah, get the idea.
Disclaimer: BTVS, Super Friends, and the 50 other places I ripped something off from or mocked are not owned by me. No posting this elsewhere without my permission.
Thanks: To the superest Cam for the incidental inspiration and to my girl for everything else.

Deep within the half-frozen swamp just outside of Snowydale, a large building shaped like a second rate Darth Vader's head rose from the bleak and fetid waters. Inside a treacherous event was being celebrated.

"Welcome to the Legion of Impractical Malice," Warren announced from the podium of his sparkling new headquarters. "And our brand new Hall of Perpetual Corruption!"

Andrew, Jonathan, and Mr. Broodypants began clapping from their horseshoe shape table surrounding the podium. The newest member of the legion speculatively scanned the room with his beady eyes.

Warren, though an asshat, perceived his speculative speculation and said, "We should welcome our newest member of the legion - Principal Corrupt Principles."

The Principal stood, his balding head gleaming a little under the fluorescent lighting. He thought he should be a little uncomfortable in his green uniform and seemed the others didn't have official costumes and he was bothered by their lack of proper attire. His only regret was that his name was too long for the embroider and he had to go with his initials. He threw aside those thoughts, realizing he would just have to find a better costumer to make him a snappy new logo after he destroyed the Special Friends and became famous. Then it would be easy to take over the Legion and reform these villains to regulation.

"My plan is to destroy the Special Friends!" He stated firmly. "I will use the most sinister weapon this holiday season can offer us...that's right, I will trap and destroy them in Christmas carols!"

The rapturous roar of approval from his new compatriots almost brought a smile to the Principal's tensely cinched face.

"This is nice," Willow spoke softly and happily as she walked down the promenade in the park. By her side, as always, was her very favorite lesbian superhero.

"It is," Tara agreed, smiling at the way Willow's eyes lit up like a child's as she scanned all the colorful light arrangements. She halted their comfortable amble, placing her hand on Willow's soft cheek and turning her face for a slow, luxurious kiss.

It was a perfect night.

Perfect until a loud screeching noise pierced the night and a large sleigh raced through the sky. Aboard the sleigh from hell was a short man with large ears in a green costume with large initials. He had a canister of something he was sprinkling over the fair city. He dusted just over the Wonder Lesbians and quickly flew away before they could react.

"Who...or what was that?" Tara asked as she shook off some of the granules.

"A PCP elf? Is there such a thing?" Willow responded.

"I don't know but I think we better contact the Hall of Rampant Homosexuality." Tara suggested.

As she finished transmitting her warning to the other Special Friends, she noticed Willow had fallen into a deep sleep. Tara's blue eyes were not far behind...from sleep or from Willow's firm bottom.

Meanwhile, at the Hall of Rampant Homosexuality, the Special Friends were tolerating a fruitcake.

"Princess Repression, you're what my heart needs
When I cut my hand, for you it bleeds."

"One of these days we're going to have to figure a way to cure Nancy Gym Bunny of his curse." Cowboy Guy noted as he sipped a cup of Earl Grey with Captain Tea Cozy.

"Indeed," Captain Tea Cozy replied.

"I wish it could be soon," Princess Repression lamented. "I can only deal with so much of his heterosexual ways."

"Now you're speaking my language," Overt Sexuality Gal announced as she entered the Hall. She smelled of smoke and liquor, wearing a thin white tank top that showed the outline of her nipples and the tightest leather pants in her collection.

"I see you've returned from your debauchery," Princess Repression commented with disgust. She had to hold back a sigh and watch her from the corner of her eye.

Overt Sexuality Gal had to withhold her riposte as an incoming transmission began on the Hall's communication screen.

But it was too late to save Snowydale's brave heroes.

The Special Friends drifted into a perilous slumber as Tara's warning played ominously.

Willow and Tara were walking once more, but in a completely different area. It was foggy and full of commercial buildings and business. Suddenly a reindeer wearing a collar that read "Blitzen" ran out of a car wash and Willow felt her lover push her out of harm's way.

"Thanks, baby. Those aren't cute little reindeer," Willow said as she noticed several others in a pack were charging towards them. They were being led by a reindeer with a shiny red nose. A blast of fire erupted from its nose so bright.

"They're evil and they're robots," Tara deduced by their movements.


They merged into a silver colored pickup with bright rainbow flames down the side. It was hitched up and three times the size of a normal truck and ran on biolesbian fuels because all the Special Friends are envirofriendly. The truck accelerated with a roar and robot reindeer after reindeer bounced helplessly off the fender.

First Dasher and Dancer,
Then Prancer and Vixen,
Then Comet and Cupid,
And Donner and Blitzen.

"You're going down in history, Rudolph!" Willow yelled as the most famous reindeer of them all burst into flames and landed meekly in the grass with nothing left but a pile of metal and wires.

Overt Sexuality Gal woke up in a bad mood.

"It's fuckin' cold," she griped, rubbing her bare arms and wondering where the hell she could find a leather jacket in this place. She remembered Tara's communication about a strange occurrence and figured she had got caught up in one of her own. It was the life of a superhero, after all.

The landscape was bright white as snow covered the ground, trees, and other surroundings. She could see in the distance there was a sterile row of cheaply made houses.

"Oh, great...the suburbs," Overt Sexuality Gal grumbled once more, walking towards the homes for some clue of her location. She came upon three children building a figure with the abundant snow. They were dancing in a circle with an equal abundance of screams and energy. The sight made her girly parts thankful for contraception.

One child affixed the three lumps of ascending snow with a corncob pipe and a button nose. Another added two lumps of coal for eyes. Finally, the third placed an old silk hat on the snowman's head.

A snarl rolled from creation and its eyes began to glow a dark eerie light.

"I am Frosty the Snowman!" The creature snarled again. "It's time to play, little children."

The children screamed and began running away the way any sane person would when a large snowman began to attack.

"Good...I was looking for someone to take this out on," Overt Sexuality Gal spoke aloud, for no particular reason, as she ran towards the trouble.

"Blinding Flash!" Overt Sexuality Gal yelled as she removed her top. Frosty melted into a pool of water, his hat floating jollily on top.

" I have snowman on my boots."

Nancy Gym Bunny began walking the long, seemingly endless hallway before him cautiously but impatiently. He couldn't wait until the moment he vanquished the evil and returned to Princess Repression.

The hall was decorated with bough after bough of holly. As he progressed further down the hall, a low whisper began filling the chamber.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

The whisper became louder.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

It began etching itself into Nancy Gym Bunny's brain, the monotonous notes climbing ever higher.

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Nancy Gym Bunny fell to his knees and held his head.

"Feels like there is a soddin' chip in my brain!"

He continued forward as the whisper became a scream.


To the left side of the hall, under some holly, was a conspicuously placed door. Nancy Gym Bunny approached carefully sensing a trap. Inside of the door was a walk-in closet filled with familiar clothing.

And as Nancy Gym Bunny donned the gay apparel, his curse was removed and the maniacal singing stopped.

"Bleh...Princess Repression and I...that's the worst idea I've ever heard."

Suddenly Willow and Tara were on the beautiful red and green bedspread of a four poster bed with a familiar feeling drifting through them.

"Do you have faith in me?" Tara asked with an alluring smile as she crawled closer to her lover.


Willow then felt the very special magic of her lover as fingers and lips glided gracefully around her body. When Willow climaxed with a magnificent scream, they both realized she had come harder than she ever had before.

"Are you joyful and triumphant?" Tara asked.

"Yes ma'am."

Captain Tea Cozy shot a blast of tea at the little drummer boy, but he refused to be destroyed. It stood up once more and reached for its large gold and red drum. Cowboy Guy attempted to zap it with his Cattle Prod of Truth before it could completely regain its footing but to no avail. Captain Tea Cozy noticed that as the boy touched his drum and began to play that a tiny light surrounded him.

"Of course, a protection barrier is emanating from the drum," Captain Tea Cozy primly noted as he pulled a handkerchief from his front cardigan pocket and opened it.

"Crumpet Pitch!"

A delicious breakfast treat flew from his hands and punctured the drumhead, while another struck the small boy on the side of the head and knocked him unconscious.

"Sorry poor chap."

The temperature suddenly dropped but luckily Tara had just helped Willow redress into her skintight costume.

A voice echoed in the distance.

"You better watch out..."

It grew closer.

"You better not cry..."

A giant golden sleigh began its descent towards the Wonder Lesbians.

"Better not pout..."

It landed just in front of them and a short bald man with big ears and a festive green costume stepped off the side.

"I'm telling you why...the Principal is coming to town!"

"Um...okay," Willow began, not particularly impressed with his display. "So you're the PCP elf?"

The Principal looked exacerbated and annoyed. " name is PRINCIPAL CORRUPT PRINCIPLES!"

Willow furrowed her brow. "That's kind of a mouthful...and not in a good way."

"How can you not have heard of me, Wonder Lesbians? No matter. Soon I will be so famous that everyone will know my name...too bad you'll be dead. But know me now and know that I will destroy you with the superior power of this..."

The Principal opened a green pouch on his belt and menacingly showed them a clear powdery substance in a small plastic bag. "This is Licentious Sensory Dust...and you have already been exposed to a small dose. Imagine the terror you will behold when I hit you with a blast from this..."

From the sleigh behind him, the Principal removed a large gun-like weapon with a jar attached that read "LSD".

"So...basically we just need to take the LSD away from the PCP elf," Willow surmised as she touched the hand of her lover and nodded.


Launching a rock from the nearby grass, the Wonder Lesbians hit the glass canister with a smash. The Licentious Sensory Dust billowed into a cloud and the Principal succumbed to his own wicked device of doom.

Perhaps now the Principal has learned not to use LSD for evil.

Willow and Tara returned to the Hall of Rampant Homosexuality to find that the other Special Friends were safe from harm and decorating the place with gusto.

Cowboy Guy was using his whip to flick ornaments onto a large fir tree while Captain Tea Cozy filled a stocking for each and every Special Friend.

Overt Sexuality Gal hung sprigs of mistletoe over the various arches in the room.

Princess Repression entered the room with a box of garland and Overt Sexuality Gal jumped off of her ladder just in time to give her a tongue laced kiss.

"You shouldn't do that because it's wrong," Princess Repression said when they disengaged and she regained her senses.

"Yes, you should," Nancy Gym Boy as he did another set of repetitions with his hand weights. He had lost some of muscular definitions while under his heterosexual curse and was eagerly working to return his body to its former glory.

Seeing that everything was safe and sound, Tara wrapped her arms around Willow, knowing that she already had the best gift of the season and didn't need flashy yet superb gay boy decorations to make her life better.

All she needed was Willow.

"Come on lover...let's go make the yuletide gay," Tara whispered into he lover's ear.

"And from now on, our troubles will be miles away?" Willow asked coyly as she turned around in Tara's comforting arms.



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