Return to MacBuff, Act One, Scene Two


Author: Sweetwitchbitch2003
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Buffy is property of Mr Whedon and his ickle minions. Wolfram and Hart needn't bother suing 'cause I don't make (or have) any money (yes, I'm still poor. Please send me feedback, it doesn't feed me but at least it stops the craving).

A barren heath.

[Thunder. Enter the three WITCHES.]

Third Witch (disapprovingly): Where has thou been, sister?

First Witch: Again with the math homework. It's been legally proven that algebra doesn't get any more fun the more times you do it.

Third Witch (to Second Witch): Sister, where thou?

Second Witch: Plotting revenge on more cheating scum-like men. I got bored with the usual boils on the-

Third Witch (hurriedly cutting her off): Good! Good.
[Clears throat embarrassedly.]
No need to hear the details of that one.

Second Witch: I wasn't finished!

Third Witch: Sisters,
Before thou camst to these woods today
I had arrived, and w-was plotting, um, really foul and evil things.
I s-spotted a maiden fair, walking among these trees-

First Witch: God, you and your libido again. Does that thing ever stop running?

[Third Witch blushes in embarrassment and starts stammering.]

Second Witch: Quiet! Go on sister, I wish to hear more of these sordid and often voyeuristic lesbian love tales.

Third Witch: Alas, no time,
A drum, a drum!
Macbeth doth come.

[The Witches join hands in a ring and start dancing, whirling faster and faster.]

Third Witch (starts to sing): He's Under Our Spell
Finally Macbeth will see
His destiny was meant to be
No more when all is well
Murdering the king
Sounds like a really funny thing
The spell is compleeeeeeete!

[As she hits a high note, the other two Witches exchange glances then shrug, mystified at this strange behaviour.]

All: The Weird sisters, hand in hand,
Posters of the sea and land,
Thus do go about, about,
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine,
And thrice again to make up nine,
Peace! The charm's wound up.

[They stop suddenly, and a rather poorly done mist hides them. Enter MACBUFF and BLANKET.]

MacBuff: So foul and fair a day I have not seen.

Blanket: Yeah, its pretty crappy.

[What's left of the mist fades and the Witches step forward.]

Blanket: What are these,
So withered and wild in their attire,
That look not like th'inhabitants o'th'earth?
You should be women,
And yet your beards forbid me to interpret
That you are so.
Well, except the one on the left.

First Witch: Withered?!?

Second Witch: What beards?!?

Third Witch (lovestruck): Hot d-damn, she's cute!

MacBuff: Speak, if you can, what are you?
And if you be demons then prepare for a serious ass-kicking
'Cause I am not in the mood for frivolities today.

First Witch: All hail, MacBuff! Hail to thee, thane of L.A.!

Second Witch: All hail, MacBuff! Hail to thee, thane of Sunnydale!

[There's a slightly awkward pause, during which the Third Witch is practically drooling, with eyes fixed on Blanket. The other Witches nudge her sharply.]

Third Witch: All hail, MacBuff! Thou s-shalt be king hereafter.

[MacBuff looks puzzled.]

Blanket: Good MacBuff, this is great news - if it's true.

[She directs a dirty look towards the now squirming Witches but her gaze softens and turns flirty when she reaches the Third Witch.]

MacBuff: I'th' name of truth,
This is, like, so COOL!

Blanket: Ooh, tell my fortune too!

First Witch: Lesser than MacBuff, and greater.

Second Witch: Not so cute, yet much geekier.

Third Witch: Thou shalt get kings, though thou be none.
So all hail, MacBuff and Blanket!

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