Are you tired of watching your kids frollick and rapantly take over your home?

"Xander! The orgasm product is screaming and finger painting on the walls again - give it a time-out!"

"Anya, I'm tired from a long day at the construction site. Why don't you do it?"

"Cos I have to count the shop money...over and over again."

Wouldn't it be better if they were quiet, chemically restrained, and needed little to no parenting? From the makers of Man-Be-Hard and Road Rage Liquid Gels, comes a product called Quitlin. Just three little pills a day will suck the life out of a rugrat better than any vampire.

"Where is my little precious today, Xander?"

"Listening to the wallpaper paste dry in remodeled bedroom, dear."

Exercising and spending time with your children is for losers.

Need a better way to drain the energy?

Use Quitlin.

Possible side effects include: dry throat, headaches, upset stomach, lycanthropy, ringing in ears, hallucinations, permanent blindness, flashbacks to 16th century Ireland, runny nose, memory loss, unsexy dancing, muteness, desire to manage a Broadway show or sort socks by color, uncontrollable hunger, vomiting, swollen feet, unexplained brusing, explosive diahrrea, irritated eyes, sudden ability to speak in the vernacular of early 20th century England, loss of fingernails, sore throat, and possible spontaneous combustion. Do not allow children to eat, drink, stand, sit, lay down, or think for up to thirty minutes following a dose of Quitlin.