Willow and Tara lazed in their deeply disheveled bed, attempting to recover from a quite recent and particularly strenuous foray into the brave new world of make-up sex.
"I really don't mean to be obtuse," the befuddled redhead repeated, "But in the interest of clarity...what your telling me is that this Heather skank kills her victims... by giving them head?!?!?"
"Not quite the words I would have chosen," Tara chuckled, distractedly running the tip of her index finger along the curve of her lover's breast, "But yeah...that's the general idea."
"Well, that certainly explains the smiling...but exactly how does the happy go from fabulous to fatal?"
"I don't mean to shock you, sweetie," the blonde drawled, her finger moving inward to explore the general nipple area, "But there are other things I'd rather be doing with you naked in my bed, that are a lot more interesting than talking about Heather."
Willow hit her with her best sad puppy dog/resolve face.
"Oh alright...God, you're persistent...to put it in its simplest form...not that you need anything simplified, my little genius...she is essentially an energy vampire, sucking out a bit of her victim's lifeforce with each orgasm."
"I thought you said she was a succubus."
"According to my research, succubi prey on men and then become incubi to prey on women..."
"Did it never occur to you that there were gay demons?"
"Baby, until I met you, it never occurred to me that there were any kind of demons."
"Ooops...it's so easy to forget...let me put it this way...if you had to spend eternity going down on people, wouldn't you prefer that they were female?"
"Well, it's certainly the more efficient choice...way too much down time with the men...all that waiting...not at all productive..."
"I thought you said you'd never been with a man," Tara teased.
"Buffy's the kiss and tell type...no matter what she's been kissing or whether or not you really want her to tell."
"Now it's my turn to say eeeeew...anway, getting back on the subject...Heather can take the form of anyone her victim finds desirable...so you never know what to look for...it's taken me years to learn her tastes...learn how to sense her."
"I really don't think that's gonna be a problem this time...we both know who's #1 on her most wanted list."
"Will..." Tara warned.
"Sorry, lover...but it's the truth."
"Yeah...yeah...moving on...are you ever planning to tell me about this mysterious secret weapon of yours?"
"You have to promise me that you won't freak..."
Tara just gave her the look. The one that made Willow hear Scooby-Doo in her head each and every time she did it. Rut-Roh.
"It's not dangerous, I promise," Willow whimpered in a monstrously tiny voice, cowering just outside her lover's pouncing range, "But...um...well, it's kind of something that I...sort of promised you I'd never do..."
That didn't prevent Tara from pouncing just the same or the redhead from winding up flat on her back with her hands pinned above her head.
"Enough, Willow!" she growled, "Stop with the hemming and hawing and just tell me!"
"Did you really think that having you on top of me, pinning me down was going to be an effective means of intimidation," she teased, "I could live happily this way for weeks."
"I have two words for you, Rosenberg...handcuffs and tickling."
"Oh God! No! Not that...Please!" she giggled, "I give...I give..."
"That's what I've heard," Tara snarked, pinching an erect nipple, "So, this brilliant plan of yours involves coming out to Buffy...which I still don't get, and..."
"And setting my cell phone to vibrate and giving all my friends the number."
"You little perv!" the blonde exclaimed, then the tickling began.
"I need your help, Buff..."
"Yeah, I think I got that part in your 24th voice mail...or was it the 27th?"
"OK...so this is gonna sound completely...I mean, they would never understand what I was...never mind believing that...hell, they'd probably put me on a 48 hour hold with a nice thorazine drip...mmm restful...at the least I'm sure everyone will think I'm a few tacos short of a combination plate...if you..."
The petite firefighter cleared her throat.
"Oooops...sorry...OK...long story short...I know...too late...anyway, I really just can't go through regular channels on this one..."
"I'm pretty sure I've got the Smiler case cracked, but..."
"But what? That's great! Isn't it?"
"It's complicated...cuz of Tara."
"Wait...Tara? What?" she asked looking very much like a puzzled Pomeranian.
"Well, first of all there's some stuff about Tara that you don't know...and it's gonna seem a little weird."
"Weird? Oh please, Will...do you know how thin the walls in this house are? Nothing about Tara could shock me at this point...I've heard things coming out of your room that would make Faith blush."
Willow's face came very close to matching her hair. "Buffy!"
The blonde waggled her eyebrows salaciously.
"Whatever! Anyway, the thing is...Tara...well, she's kind of a witch.."
"Oh...I'm sorry, Willster...I thought you two were getting along so well...it certainly sounded like it last night," she winked.
"Witch, Buffy...you know...with a W?"
"Oh!" a lightbulb suddenly clicked on in blonde-ville, "You mean like a machshaifeh?"
Willow Rosenberg's jaw hit the floor with a resounding crash and while she waited for it to bounce back to it's natural position, she pondered just how Buffy Summers, quintessential California girl, had managed to learn Yiddish.
"Oh, come on, Will...you know I was seated at a table with Bubbe Sophie and the Harrises at your Bat Mitzvah...who did you think I was going to talk to while you were dancing with Xander?"
The redhead smiled at her friend, sighed with relief and told her the rest of the story, as much as she could without breaking Tara's confidence, anyway.
"Wow...I always figured there was something Outer Limits about that case."
"I guess your instincts are better than mine," the detective indulged herself in a brief pout.
"Aw, come on Rosenberg...where's that resolve face? Tell me some more about this Heather skank...are you sure you got the name right? Because she really sounds an awful lot like Cordelia."
"You noticed that too?" she gave the petite blonde a no-wonder-you're-my-best-friend smile, "So, can I count on you for the rest of it? Rallying the troops and all, as it were?"
"Oh yeah...sure...anything for a friend...especially one, who as it turns out, can turn me into a toad."
"I'm sorry...no more frog-type references...I swear...even still...wow..."
"I know what you mean."
"I guess you could say you'd come into your power, huh?"
"I guess you could say that...I mean I don't know if I would, because...well, it sounds like one of those new-agey type menstrual references my Mother would use...but yeah, I guess you could say that if you wanted to..."
"Stay right there!" Buffy exclaimed, excitedly, "I'll be back in a flash!"
Before Willow could sort out what had just happened, her friend returned with a package and handed it to her. It was wrapped in brown paper and smelled faintly of...chicken fat?
"Bubbe?" was whispered in an awestruck little girl voice.
"It came to me in the mail after she...I mean...um...after her...services...there was a letter with it saying that as your best friend she knew I could be trusted with it...even though Xander was really your best friend...but he was far too much of a doofus...anyway, it said I should give it to you when you'd come into your power."
Willow stared at her friend, with tears in her eyes. Buffy barely had the time to shrug before she was enveloped in a bear hug.
"Huh?" the redhead snuffled.
"Aren't you gonna open it?"
"I have a feeling I need to call Tara first..."
"Jesus! Rosenberg...is that all you ever think about? You get a package from your dead grandmother and all you can think about is gettin' some hot girl-on-girl action?"
"One more peep out of you and I swear Tara and I will do that sound-proofing spell I warned you about!"
Buffy didn't say a word to Willow, only mumbled under her breath, "Hey, it's nowhere near as perverted as watching porn with Faith and Anya...and anyway, if you weren't so loud..."