Author: Suzy G
About four hours into the trip we stopped at this little diner/gas station/gift shop. The parking lot was dusty, there was a guy leaning against one of the walls wearing a big cowboy hat spitting tobacco, and cacti littered the sidewalks and roadside. Inside the diner it was cool and clean, waitresses bustled about, bells rung over the doorway, and meals were served with the fakest smiles in the whole US of A. Willow and I sat down at one of the booths across from each other and chatted amiably until the waitress arrived with our food. I ordered a grilled cheese sandwich and tomato soup, while Willow had the Texas burger, which I thought was a bit ironic seeing as we were still in California, but hey who am I to judge.
We talked about relationships, in my case a lack there of, we talked about school, and friends, and movies and music. The conversation came very naturally between us, we joked around, we laughed, we teased, we even flirted a little, or at least I thought so. Everything was nice until the conversation came to family. I let her talk about hers, but when it came to mine I stuttered out excuses not to talk about it, she tried to get it out of me a few times but when she saw how flustered I was she stopped asking and changed the subject. Not before giving me the sweetest most caring look though.
"Hey look at that waiter over there he's pretty cute huh?" she said. Oh jeez what should I do? I thought. Should I just play along or should I tell her I'm not really in to guys. I guess its not that big a deal but... well do I hide who I am or do I just tell her the truth straight out? I think with the way things are going I should tell her, she doesn't seem like the homophobic type, and I trust her, I really do.
"I-I um I guess to some people he might be... attractive..."
"But not to you?" She had a strange look in her eye. I think she knew the answer.
"No Willow, not to me... how um h-how did you know?" she smirked; it was adorable.
"Call it a hunch. Or um what's the word? Gaydar?"
"Wait do you know what gaydar is?" was she saying...
"Yah I know."
"So you mean..." what are the odds, I might have a chance.
"Yah I mean..." happy dance, I'm doing the happy dance, oh yeah, Tara one the rest of the world zero. Wait I better not get ahead of myself but come on from no chances to one, in my book that's a lot.
"But wait what about your boyfriend?" She finished her sandwich and now we were just talking over coffee.
"Me and Dan well... I don't know things between us were great in high school. I had been having thoughts and feelings about girls for years by then, but when he asked me out it was like I totally forgot. Everything was new and exciting, and I was just glad to have anyone. Then college started, he had his band, we grew apart, and I was just going through the motions with him. I mean I had never really been that attracted to him, he was handsome but obviously that didn't do it for Me." she laughed and winked at me. I blushed. "But there was just no passion at all between us anymore, I don't even know why I stayed with him for so long. I guess I was just scared of being alone. I was actually relieved to find out that he cheated on me though. Then I could break up with him without him blaming me. Even while we were still dating I began to accept my sexuality and now I'm totally fine with it... I still have yet to fully experience my newfound sexuality though. I'm just waiting for the right woman... you know what I mean?" I had been completely enthralled with her as she spoke, I was so amazed at how open and honest she was with me, and I wished I could do the same.
"Yah I know exactly what you mean."
"So what about you what's your story Tare?" She did that cute little lip curl she does; it distracted me for a moment.
"Me? Oh, um, well, I've always known, and um I dated this one guy in high school but it didn't last he was um he was ab-busive, and he got mad at me because, well h-he and I never um consummated, I w-wouldn't let him, for obvious reasons. As for anyone else, I've just been too shy to meet anyone, and if I had even tried back home I probably would have been burned at the stake."
"That's terrible. When are people going to wake up and realize that we're here we're queer, and um is there something else that goes at the end of that or am I mistaken, I just can't remember it." I shook my head in an 'I don't know' gesture. Just then the waitress walked up with our check. I began to open my purse but Willow stopped me.
"It's ok I got it"
"Oh no I couldn't..."
"Please I insist."
"Ok but I have next meal." I said.
"And I'm driving"
"Oh no it's ok I can..." she contested.
"Please I insist."