Author: JustSkipIt
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy own Willow and Tara and the Buffyverse.
Feedback: Please leave feedback on the Menorah Tales thread on the Kitten Board.

About a year later

Dearest Tara,
I absolutely can't believe this. You're at my house lighting the candles with my parents and I'm stuck in the lousy Phoenix Airport. Don't get me wrong; I'm happy that you feel comfortable with them enough to stay and light the candles and I'm sure they'll give both of you the usual bags of gelt and cash, but ... Arggghhh!

The best laid plans of mice and men and all that but you know what? Phooey. I didn't want to be stuck in the Phoenix airport. I want to be there with you. With my family and Faith too but mostly with you. I mean I'm happy to have gotten to talk to you on the phone a few minutes ago but calling you to say that my flight was delayed is very different from being there. Being with you.

I don't think it helps that I've been traveling since 8:15 this morning. It was going to be so easy: Boston to Chicago, Chicago to LA. Then my mom and girlfriend picking me up at the LA airport with my two carry-ons (see, reducing transit time by not checking luggage which would then require a visit to the luggage pickup). I mean you had it all planned out too: cutting out of class after lunch so that you could come pick me up. Did you go to class after all? If so, lucky classmates and teachers. Grrr. Instead, weather and now mechanical delays. I've been Boston to New York, New York to Memphis, Memphis to Phoenix, and now Phoenix to LA is overbooked and I don't know when I'll get on the next flight.

In a way I was with you though. Right at 5.43, when I knew you were lighting the candles with Mom and Dad, I was on the last flight. I couldn't light a menorah obviously so I got out a piece of paper and drew a menorah on it. Then I used my red and orange pens to draw a light on the candles as I said the blessings. I know it's dorky but I felt closer to you. I closed my eyes and pictured you there, lighting your Willow-tree menorah. Say that you'll always light it. Always?

I know we talk on the phone four or more times a week but I want to be there. To be home with you. I know we talked about this for months. About my graduating early and starting college a year early and it seemed doable. But right here, today, it seems like a terrible idea. I remember your logic--that if we couldn't handle a year apart how would we fare for the next 4 while we are both at school? But not this year.

I don't always feel like this. Some days I'm exhilarated and challenged by the workload. It's the first time in my life that I don't feel like the biggest dork in the universe in every class. I have classes where I don't even think I'm the 10th smartest person. Ok, not many classes like that but it happens. I'm in a study group for my Physics class with three guys who all have as many AP credits as I do. One of them went to RPI for advanced work over the summer before coming to MIT. I mean, geez, get a life guy? Seriously though it's really exciting. There are even days when I've worked on a project and not slept all night! Can you imagine? Me not sleeping all night for something that's required? And by the time I come home in the Spring, I'll be a Junior. You're not only dating a college student (and a darned cute one at that /smile) but soon a college Junior. You vixen, you.

Someone from the airline just came over and told me that they are getting me on a flight to Seattle and then LA. This is like a world tour. I'll be landing in LA about 12:30 so I hope you're home in bed by that time. Not that I don't want to see you because I do, but you need your sleep if you have class tomorrow. I mean, Giles can only say that you're helping him in the library so much. /smirk

Re: your last letter. I get that you couldn't talk about it the last time we spoke and you know I couldn't. I can't believe what you told me about Faith and the WC. What a bunch of wankers (see, I had to curse them in English since they're English). I mean "hey, Faith. Happy Birthday!" How is her arm? Is it healing super fast? I'm just glad that nothing else happened. And Giles went along with it? I think when I get there, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind, maybe kick him in the shins too. So you're still playing translator for the two of them? "Mr. Giles, Faith says she hit 3 cemeteries and she's going home." "Please tell Faith that will be fine." I can just imagine. Do you say "dear lord" and all that Gileish stuff too? I hope I get to translate for them while I'm home because I'll say stuff like, "Faith, I know that I acted a right ass but if you would just forgive my wankish behavior, I know we can get along capitally." Do you think that capitally is a real word?

Speaking of Faith, it sounds like her party was really great (until the badness that is). So she's totally the toast of Sunnydale huh? She deserves it. I mean Sunnydale High: State Basketball champs! It has a pretty nice ring to it doesn't it. Do you think she's going to take the offer from USC? Don't tell her I said this but she's got to go to school and get the hell away from her mother. That woman is demented in a truly unattractive way. Faith deserves so much more.

Still speaking of Faith, I'm totally ok if you want to tell her about us. Actually, I'm not sure why we never did before. I mean it wasn't like we were keeping secrets or anything. I guess for me it was just that you and me, we are just you and me, kinda private you know? I mean I've loved having something that was just mine. Just between you and me? I don't know if that makes any sense.

My point is that I totally understand your being lonely. I get lonely too. I mean I'm busy and the schoolwork is fantastic and I have study groups and a roommate. But I miss you. I miss you so much. There are times when I just lay on my bed, hugging a pillow to my chest and imagining that it's you. I close my eyes and breathe deep and try to think about what you smell like. But it's such a hard thing to imagine. I mean I can picture you in my head and I can hear your voice but your smell? Oh god, this sounds totally weird doesn't it?

Sometimes I get so lonely that I ... um... well you know? I mean do you? You know, ever? I mean. Well you know when we um... made love before I left town. I mean ok, I hope you know because if you've forgotten then I have to work on some things because I want to make you feel as wonderful as you made me feel. Um... like I wish I was doing that now. You know? Do you think about it? Maybe I'm just a total pervert or something but I hope not. I mean I think about it a lot. But sometimes I just you know, miss you so much. And I start thinking about before I left for school and when I get home (should be right now, grrr) and about the sound of your voice and how beautiful and soft your lips are. And I'll start, you know, and thinking about how you feel or like you were doing it? And it just feels so wonderful and I forget how much I miss you for a few minutes because it's like you're actually there with me.

They're announcing that we have to put our tray tables up and it was like quite a shock. I mean a minute ago, I'm thinking about you and your extreme sexiness and now it's all, "stow your carryon luggage." So I'm stowing and I'll see you in a few hours.

I just re-read this entire letter and you know what I noticed first? Not the totally embarrassing confession about what I do when I missing you, no not that. I noticed that I didn't say I love you. I should say that first. I should say that in the middle. And I should say it at the end.

I love you, Tara.

Yours forever, Willow