Day 8 -Thursday, November 15, 1984)
Willow's hand was still on Tara's face. She smiled as she felt the soft downy skin under her caress. She moved the pad of her thumb slowly across Tara's cheek bone. Willow stared with loving intensity into Tara's eyes. "I'm not ready," Willow repeated her prior statement, and took another step toward Tara. She stepped slightly to the right of Tara before moving in a little bit closer, "but I'm so not done." Tara licked her lips unconsciously, her eyelids relaxed into a slow blink when she heard the sensuous declaration. She felt weak.
Willow tucked her fingers into her palm and continued to feel Tara's face with the sensitive skin between her knuckles. She moved her hand gently down Tara's jaw line and she changed direction moving below her face to touch her neck. Willow shifted her gaze to watch her hand traverse the contours of Tara's skin. She extended one finger and softly traced along the line under her chin, down her throat to the sensitive shallow at the base of her neck.
She extended all of her fingers again feeling the sides of Tara's neck and reaching the edge of Tara's hairline, twirled the softer hairs there. Willow played with a few strands before moving her hand back down the way she'd come. When she had returned to the soft "V" above Tara's sternum, Willow flipped her hand again this time using just the tips her fingers to stroke ever so slowly along the top of Tara's t-shirt.
Tara stood perfectly still feeling the caress and getting lost in the sensations. She closed her eyes. She took a breath that revealed her inner tremors. Willow felt Tara's breathing change when her hand moved just under the hem of her jersey collar. Willow stepped closer, she rested her left hand just above Tara's hip. She applied a little pressure and Tara moved back up against the door. Willow gently guided Tara to relax against the door. Tara felt like she would fall, she was enraptured by the simple feel of Willow's loving touch.
Willow moved forward again. She positioned herself comfortably against her. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of her, every nuance, every curve, and every inch where they connected. Willow dropped her head and rested it on Tara's shoulder. She wanted to feel, really feel Tara.
When Willow's head fell to Tara's shoulder, she was broken from her own trance. For the most part, she would have fallen were it not for Willow and the support of the door. Tara moved her own right hand to the small of Willow's back. She laid her hand flat against the cotton and felt the warmth of Willow's rising temperature. She extended her hand trying to get more contact, but it wasn't enough. She gently pulled Willow closer. She moved her left hand and positioned it on Willow's upper body and tried to draw them closer. Tara couldn't get enough.
Tara had never been so close to another person, she was lost in the sensations running through her entire body. She felt weak, but she felt strong, confident and yet afraid. All the fears and insecurities were rising to the surface and in Willow's touch they seemed to disappear. She felt more alive than she ever had in her life. And she knew that this was just the glimpse of what could be ahead.
Tara wondered if she'd know what to do if they ever did get any closer than they were at that moment. With the thought, a shudder went through her. It felt like electricity and she was warmed from her feet to her head in an instant. She gasped with an open mouth as the feeling washed over her. The intensity of emotions overwhelmed her.
Tara took over the lead. She didn't care if she didn't know what do to, she just wanted to feel Willow. She pressed every part of her body against her in response to the heat. In a hasty movement, she turned Willow and pressed her against the door using her legs and upper body to hold her in place.
With both hands released from the embrace, Tara threaded her right hand into Willow's hair and encouraged Willow to look up at her. Willow surrendered to the commanding touch. Tara took possession of Willow's lips in a heated kiss. Her left hand landed at Willow's waist and Tara caressed the sensitive areas she'd tickled only days earlier. The touch prompted no giggles from the redhead, this time; the only response was a hungry exchange at her mouth. Tara felt Willow's chest heaving in response to the stimulation and her desire only multiplied.
Willow thought she was beginning to see stars. She was so caught up in the sensations, the feel of Tara everywhere, she couldn't think; all she could see was Tara. All she could feel was Tara. All she could smell was Tara. All she could taste was Tara. She felt Tara's hand on her waist and the passions rising from her girl. She was afraid they were going too far too fast, but she couldn't help getting lost in the feelings.
Then Tara's kisses changed. No longer were they unpredictable and irregularly spaced which had kept her swooning with anticipation, they had become rhythmic, like Tara was responding to some inner drumbeat. Willow easily joined in making this unheard music with her. Willow was starting to lose control. Her pulse was rising, her mind alit with fire and passion for Tara. Her body was thrumming in response to the intensity of pleasure. She knew if they didn't stop now, she wouldn't be able to hold back.
She needed time, time to process the turn of events, time to consider what this all meant for her and for Tara. Most of all she needed time to make sure Tara wasn't just reacting to the meeting with the mission president. Inside an inner battle for control was being waged. Willow had to choose right now: forget about the lines, the rules, anything that resembled willpower, and let Tara have all of her or choose to be strong and fight the primal urges. She wanted so much to succumb to the passion that threatened to erupt between them. But they both had to be sure.
Willow knew she hadn't even begun to question what all of this meant for her faith. And she didn't want Tara to wake up with any regrets for indiscretions. She needed a plan. The only one she had was a little bit drastic. She knew it was risky for both of them.
Willow returned both of her hands to Tara's upper back and pulled Tara as close as she could. With her right hand she held tight, and she let the left hand cross slowly down from Tara's left shoulder blade, down across to the small of her back, where she made small circles scraping gently with her short nails for a moment before continuing on her journey south.
Tara wasn't certain what Willow was doing, but the feel of her touch on her back was so sweet and loving, she ignored the fact that Willow's hand appeared to be going somewhere. When it stopped, Tara resumed focus on kissing Willow, but that hand had continued. When she felt Willow's hand slide down below her waist, she became distracted and lost her rhythm.
Tara pulled away from Willow's lips when she felt the sudden pressure on her behind and took another sudden gasp of breath. Her eyes showed a slumberous expression which Willow matched as she gazed into her eyes. After the unexpected yet sensual squeeze, Willow dropped her hand lower. She continued her torturously slow caress until she reached Tara's right thigh. She stared intensely into Tara's eyes conveying the want and desire she felt.
With a soft touch she moved once up and down the side of her leg before reaching around to the back and placing her fingers in the center between the two muscles. She pressed firmly and pulled up.
Tara was totally unprepared for the jolt of energy that radiated outward from her center when Willow seized the nerve in her leg. She nearly lost her balance, but Willow was holding her tightly.
Willow took a step forward, bent her knee, and took them both to the floor in a swift fluid motion. Before Tara even realized what was happening, Willow had cushioned their fall with her left hand. She moved her right hand to the back of Tara's neck and ensured Tara landed softly. She landed in position nestled in place straddling Tara's legs. She then carefully lay Tara's head down and rested on both of her arms with Tara below her.
Tara's hair lay about her. Her mouth had fallen open in shock, but quickly relaxed in preparation for Willow's impending advance. Her eyes wide in surprise, softened in an instant when she looked up into Willow's eyes. She let go of the breath she'd been holding and felt a new sensation of warmth. Willow slowly drew her hand to Tara's brow and removed the confining bobby pin that held the last restrained hairs. Still positioned above Tara, she reached slowly toward the pocket of her flannel top and dropped the hair pin in where her imaginary key had been placed for safe keeping a while before and her elastic ponytail band after that.
Tara flashed back to the moment earlier when Willow had placed her "being quiet" key in her pocket. She remembered Willow's blush when she had patted their private token. Willow hadn't babbled since. In fact, she was mostly silent and the last thing she'd said was that she wasn't' ready; yet here they were, looking and feeling very ready. Well, technically she'd said she wasn't done, but she had said she wasn't ready. The realization make an impression on Tara. She had to ignore the pulsating need and do the right thing for Willow.
Tara resisted the urge to pull Willow against her so she could feel the pillowy softness of her lithe body. She resisted the urge rise up and embrace her to feel the soft alabaster skin. She wanted to touch her, hold her, stroke her hair and kiss her. She wanted to love her, to explore every inch of her, to taste her, to devour her. The temptation was colossal. She resisted with everything she had.
Tara closed her eyes trying to regain her focus. She took a deep breath and pursed her lips. She was glad they were on the floor so she could concentrate on the hardness. Her discomfort was actually a blessing. She tried to dismiss the images that were flooding her mind: to touch, to feel, to love Willow. To watch Willow. She tightened her eyelids in concentration.
Willow watched the play of emotions on Tara's face. She was waging her own battle. She had to be strong for Tara. Tara's faith was different then hers; it was rooted in family and history and tradition. Willow didn't have that. Her faith was based on hope of normalcy, hope of belonging and hope for fellowship in what she thought would be a solitary life because of her issue. She had placed her hopes in a future most likely beyond this existence of all the things promised. In this life, she was defective. She couldn't pull Tara into that.
After a moment, Willow reached out a finger and touched the indentation at Tara's throat, "You know, this is called sorbilia maphonensis." She let her finger stay in place.
Talking, she's talking to me. Tara was surprised and realized in an instant what Willow was up to. "And that is?"
"It's a pretty word for the jugular notch at your sternum." Willow began, "But doesn't it sound better in Latin?" Willow flipped her hand over again as she'd done before and began stroking Tara's face, rotating her hand and fingers along with every contour.
"Well some things do sound prettier in different languages." Tara began, "But not everything. I don't really like the sound of Willow in Japanese, except when it's just us and we're," Tara paused for a moment. "Well, you know, talking, just us, in a crowd...but sneaky. But the others, they'll catch on, so Barkley is my favorite. Because that's just 'ours' you know."
"I like having things that are just ours." Willow was getting lost in the touch again. Her hand had moved to the "V" at Tara's Jersey. And she was starting to absentmindedly play with the material.
Tara was watching Willow intensely. She felt the tender touch, and she was safe. "Me too." Tara's response was barely audible.
"Tara..." Willow began her voice barely more than a whisper, "I really do want to..." She moved her finger just under the material to feel Tara's skin with the tip of her finger. She pulled back the material a little exposing a little more flesh. She flattened her hand to feel the warmth.
"...But you're worried about me?" Tara finished the thought.
"It's more than that. I mean... yeah... but it's more than that. I'm worried about us, and what happens if..." Willow closed her eyes when she couldn't continue.
"I know there are a lot of what ifs." Tara tried to run through the many scenarios that could be troubling Willow. "And right now, I really don't want to think about that."
Willow reopened her yes and looked beseechingly. "But Tara, there are things to consider. We can't go back, I can't go back. Now that I feel you, I just want you more." Willow was starting to break. "And this is just a moment..." She closed her eyes again.
Tara sensed Willow was struggling with where they were going in the relationship. Was it a relationship? No wonder Willow is afraid. We haven't defined "us." Tara reached up and unbuttoned the very top button of her jersey shirt. "I don't think this is just a moment." She undid another and stopped. "I don't want it to be."
When Willow opened her eyes to respond she noticed the buttons. Did I do that? How could I have done that? Willow replayed the recent events, No, I didn't do that. The opening exposed the silky garments below. Tara reached up and drew back her shirt and garments exposing a small area below her clavicle.
"Moments don't last, right? Tara questioned. Willow just nodded. What is she doing? As Willow was trying to process, Tara moved her shirt and garments exposing a little more area for Willow. "I want it to last." She nodded to Willow showing her own resolve. "I want to remember this feeling, your touch, these moments forever." She pulled back a little bit more conveying silently her unspoken request. "Just ours."
"Tara?" Willow wanted to confirm what was being offered.
"I want you to." Was all Tara needed to say.
Willow scooted down, she was still nestled snuggly between Tara's legs. "You're sure, this could show through."
Willow kissed Tara tenderly on the lips, and then moved to Tara's ear and nibbled for a moment before laying a trail of kisses down Tara's neck. She ensured that as she moved down to position herself over Tara than she maintained contact where ever she could. The movement only served to reignite the fire for Tara, but this was not about satisfying needs. This was something else. This was about trust and commitment.
As Willow's mouth approached the smooth skin she extended her tongue and painted a glistening trail across the bone and onto the area just below. The touch was torturous for Tara. She couldn't wait for Willow to mark her. Willow placed her hands a little above Tara's stomach feeling the ribs through the soft cotton material. "May I?"
The closed eyelids and slight nod of silent approval gave Willow carte blanche. She latched onto the smooth skin and tasted. Tara threaded her fingers through Willow's hair and held her firmly against her chest while Willow worked on the mark. Tara enjoyed the feeling of Willow's lips on her skin. The little shock of pain gave way and was replaced by a very pleasurable sensation. Willow seemed to be learning as she was going along which she found endearing. She observed the girl alternate between caress and gentle bruising. Willow fell into a rhythm. She was getting lost in the sensations again and Tara pressing back toward the sensual kiss.
Willow fought the urge to gain leverage on the area by lifting Tara's breast. Tara's responsive thrusts were just so much. Willow's temperature started to rise again and her breathing changed while she worked the skin to a light purple color. She tentatively reached up to feel the soft forbidden skin just along the base.
Tara felt Willow's thumb hesitantly touching above the ribs on her waist. And she was amused by the shy redhead. She appreciated the fact that she'd all but offered herself and Willow was taking things slow.
When Willow felt she had finished, she lifted her head to examine her art. Her eye brows raised high when she saw what she had done. Tara saw Willow's face and tried to look, but the angle was all wrong. This was a job for a brighter room and mirror - preferably with no one else around.
"Come on," Tara grinned. "Let's go see your art." She grabbed Willow's hand. Tara winked at Willow, rolled her over quickly, planted a kiss on Willow's forehead, and got up off the floor. "And those naughty little thumbs so need to be punished." Tara buttoned up the jersey just in case any one was on the floor. They casually left the empty door and headed toward the bathroom for a look.