This night began like so many others for Willow and Tara: scouring the town for victims. And it hadn't taken them long to find some.
In a dark alley, they stood menacingly over a trembling college student. The frightened frat boy looked back and forth between his two drained frat-brothers and the two evil girls with vamped out faces that were taunting him.
For him, the night had started so promising. First there was a great kegger at the frathouse, then these two totally hot babes showed up. After a little partying, they said they wanted to go out driving in the fraternity's open-roof cadillac. He and two of his brothers agreed and spent some time speeding through town while downing more booze. And then the hot babes started kissing each other and making out and promised the boys some action if they would only park the car in that dark alleyway.
And action they got. Just not the kind of action the boys would have preferred.
The hot babes turned into blood-sucking freaks that bit and killed both Greg and Brad and then tied him up with the jumper cables from the trunk. He realized with dread that the two girls must have something special in mind for him. Right now the red haired wild one called Willow was rummaging through the trunk, while the cute blonde Tara -formerly cute blonde, now feral-mutant faced blonde - was menacing over him.
"I don't believe those frat boys still fall for the 'we lesbians wanna be cured'-routine," Tara told Willow. "I mean, they're in college, they're supposed to be smart."
"It's all the keggers," Willow replied while still looking through the trunk. "Burns off the brain-cells."
"You chugged down quite a few beers as well, Will," Tara smirked... and in a fangy face, that looked both cute and very, very scary at the same time.
"Well, that's different. I'm dead, so my braincells don't burn off. It's a supernatural thing," Willow smiled back. "Oh, hey, I found some pot in the back of the trunk here."
"Ah, man, our secret stash!" the frat boy exclaimed before realizing he'd do better to keep his mouth shut.
"Everything that was yours is ours now," Tara smiled back and took off her white cowboy hat.
Both the girls were wearing jeans, striped shirts and cowboy hats. "You know how we got those clothes?" Tara asked. "We stole them of a couple of Texan teenagers. Poor girls were so full of doubt, so they went on a cross country roadtrip to find the Lord."
"They found the Lord, alright," Willow chuckled. "Eventually..."
"They kept asking for Jesus to save them, but he never showed up," Tara shrugged.
"Ingrates," Willow shrugged. "We helped them get into heaven early and they cursed us for it."
"Yeah, after all we did for them, they were so ungrateful," Tara added.
"Hey, check this out," Willow called over and lifted a silver-colored Desert Eagle from the trunk. "You feel lucky, punk?"
Tara shook her head in disdain. "What do you want with that? It's nothing but a shiny penis extender."
"B-b-brad. It's B-brads. His parents are NRA."
"Funny," Willow smirked. "A few years ago in Sunnydale, my parents were DOA."
"Oh, hey," Tara called out. "There's a convenience store over there. We, um, do need some things."
"How convenient," Willow said while lifting the fratboy with one hand and tossing him into the trunk.
And so, five frightened people ended up sitting in a row next to the sodamachine, while Willow held the shiny penis extender under the clerk's nose. Tara, in the meantime, was doing some shopping.
"Found it," Tara sing-songed when she proudly presented her groceries.
The baffled clerk looked at the groceries, then back at the cowgirls. "Uh, that's it? You're pushing over this store for a packet of batteries and some gum?"
"My wife needs new batteries for her, uhm, MP3-player," Tara replied, while Willow rolled her eyes at the obvious lie. "And I like minty-flavored gum."
"A set of 'D' batteries for an MP3-player?"
Tara bit her lip. "Uhm, it's an old one... one of the first ones... you know, from the eighties."
"Rrrright," Willow smirked.
"What kind of robbers are you?" the spotty clerk replied. "You don't even want money?"
Tara and Willow exchanged a look. "Good idea," Willow replied. "Open the cash-register. And put the money in a brown paper bag. Unmarked. Oh, and give us some beer while you're at it. Oh, and we want some toy for our kitty. Oh, and some adult DVD's and they'd better be All Girl only, if you know what's good for you!"
Willow then noticed a big roll of 'scratch 'n win' lottery-tickets over the counter. She quickly handed the shiny penis extender to Tara.
"What?!" Tara protested. "I don't need that thing!"
"Take it!" Willow replied. "I can't scratch and shoot people at the same time."
Tara took the shiny penis extender under protest while Willow started scratching across the roll of lottery-tickets with a quarter. But as soon as Tara's hand touched the shiny penis extender, a transformation fell over her. She got a wild look in her eyes, and the barrel of the shiny penis extender was soon pointed at the five people cowering next to the soda machine.
"You wanna play with me? You wanna play rough?! Okay, I play with you! Say hello to my little friend!" Tara pointed the shiny penis extender from victim to victim. "I'm Tara fuckin' Montana, you wanna piece of me? I kill a communist for fun, but for a green card, I gonna carve him up real nice. So say good night to the bad guy! Come on. The last time you gonna see a bad guy like this again, let me tell you. Come on. Make way for the bad guy. You what a chazzer is? That's a pig... that don't fly straight. I'm Tony Maclay! You fuck with me, you fuckin' with the best!"
When Tara broke out of her Scarface-induced stupour, she found Willow snickering at her. "Oh, baby," Willow shook her head.
"You called yourself 'Tony'."
"No, I didn't."
"Yes, you did."
"No. I didn't."
"Yes... you DID."
"DID!" Willow retorted. "And you called yourself Tara Montana."
Tara pouted for a bit and remained silent. "S-shut up," she finally retorted meekly and tossed the shiny penis extender back to Willow.
"Oh, hey. HEY!" Willow exclaimed as she handed a ticket back to the clerk. "I just won 500 bucks! Fork over the dough, please!"
"Uh," the nervous clerk looked at the register. "You, uhm, already cleared out all the cash."
Willow crossed her arms and tapped her toes. "Now, that's not really my problem, is it?"
The clerk sighed and took out his wallet. "Uhm, I've only got twenty bucks?"
"Oh, this is outrageous!" Willow took the money and stuffed it down her shirt. "I demand to speak to the manager!"
"Uuuhhhh," the clerk swallowed and pointed at the dead body lying next to him. The dead body of the manager with two sets of bitemarks on his neck staring back at him with lifeless eyes.
"Oh, alright," Willow snarled before snatching two rolls of tickets. "But I'm taking these!"
"Okay, we're done here!" Tara said while she and her wife headed towards the door. "Say goodnight to the bad guy!"
Willow and Tara headed back to their home and parked their new car in the garage. Tomorrow they would bring it to Tommy's Chop Shop to have it resprayed, re-plated and generally fumigated to get the fratboy-smell out. They had already decided that the new color would be a deep bloody red.
For Willow and Tara, it was a quick trip to the bedroom, as the sun was already rising. After making sure the thick curtains were in place, Willow was happy to take off the cowgirl outfit. Tara was already under the duvet, sneaking a peek at the undressing Willow.
"Hm, nice view, sweetie," Tara chuckled.
"Got plans for you, baby," Willow grinned and crawled underneath the duvet from the footend of the bed. She slid up and up and up until she lay on top of the giggling Tara, who suddenly found a cowgirl-hat put on top of her head.
"You," Willow sang softly. "You can leave your hat on..." She kept on humming the song for a moment.
"Hmmm, sweetie," Tara purred when she felt Willow's lips tracing down her neck. "Uh, Willow?"
Willow teased Tara's skin with the tips of her fangs ever so slightly. A deep, lustful growl escaped from the depth of her lungs.
Willow continued her erotic assault on Tara's body, letting her soft hair spill on Tara's chest. Willow grinned when she felt her wife shudder and upped the stake by slowly blowing a breath across Tara's belly.
"WILLOW!" Tara shouted angrily, finally breaking her wife out of the moment.
"What is it, sheesh?" Willow pouted. "I'm trying be romantic here."
"What's he doing here?" Tara said, and pointed at the gagged fratboy that lay chained on a pole in the middle of the room, all the while making sure her body was covered up by the duvet.
"Huh?" Willow frowned. "Oh, that! Just some cruel and unusual psychological torture. You know, showing the little virgin what he can never have before we kill him tomorrow?"
The fratboy made an indignant response, almost unintelligible through the gag. However, it was obvious that he was saying 'I am not a virgin!'.
"Oh, please, I can smell your virginity from here," Willow scoffed.
Tara pouted. "I don't want him looking at us, sweetie. Us making love... that's something that's just for us. Can you, just... I can't concentrate on you if he's looking..."
"Yeah," Willow gently caressed Tara's cheek. "It was a stupid idea anyway, baby."
Willow stepped from the bed, removed the boy from the pole and unceremoniously threw him into the closet. After closing the door, Willow returned to the queen-sized bed and the Tara whom she loved more than anything in her unlife.
Much later, when the sun was well on its way into the day, the two exhausted girls lay in each other's arms, snugly underneath the duvet. Tara held her wife tightly, and ever so often gently licked at the bitemark on Willow's neck from which she had drunk her lover's blood in the very heat of the passion they had shared.
"Hmm," Willow stirred and smiled gently. "That was wonderful. I love you so much, baby."
"Hm, love you too, sweetie," Tara whispered softly. "Hey, I've been thinking. Do you think that, if we were still human, we could be as much in love as we are now?"
"Dunno, baby," Willow replied after treating her love to a brief kiss. "Maybe we would never have even met. We weren't the type of people to get out much when we were still alive."
"You met your other self in that other world," Tara said. "Did she seem?"
"Oh, please, Fuzzy was practically radiating gayness. She and her friends are completely clueless to've missed it," Willow snorted. "But, yeah, she only needs to see you... the other you... and she'll be lost, I think. I fell for you the moment I saw you walking home all alone in the darkness. Hard..."
"When mommy Dru took me, and when I first met you, I... wanted to be with you. More than anything in the world."
"I know," Willow blushed slightly. "I begged auntie Dru to give you to me. And she did..."
"And I became yours forever."
"We'll always be together, baby," Willow kissed her lover. "You and me against the world. Against everybody."
"Hm, I like that," Tara replied while snuggling up a little closer.
At that moment a loud banging sounded from the closet.
"HEY!" shouted Willow. "We're having a tender moment here! Shut up a minute or I'll come down there to tear your guts hung and string you up from your colon!"
"Hmm," Tara grinned. "I love it when you talk visceral."
The banging stopped abruptly.
"I don't like thinking of my previous life. I enjoy my unlife to much," Tara replied. "Who I was... it's in the past."
"Tara," Willow ran her fingers through Tara's long honeyblonde hair. "Don't say that. Even when you were still alive, you were the strongest person I had ever met. Not like me. Not at all like me. What I was... pathetic, a nothing, a nobody. Someone for whom book reports were the meaning of life. The joke of the school, the one almost everybody picked on. Ignored. And I just let it all happen to me," Willow looked away from Tara. "Until that day when Xander came to me in the night and made me an offer to make it all better. Taking that offer was the only good thing I ever did when I was still alive. And now nobody will ever ignore me ever again."
Willow looked away from Tara and rolled on her side. Tara hugged her from behind and tried to comfort her wife. Oh, she knew Willow enjoyed acting tough, but from the tear running over her lover's cheek, Tara knew that there were still wounds within Willow that weren't fixed when she had lost her soul en was reborn into undeath. Some things ran too deep, even for such a drastic change.
Miss Kitty Ferocio mewed as she jumped on top of the bed and curled up next to Willow, apparently sensing her mistress' distress.
"I hope for her sake that Fuzzy Me finds herself," Willow sighed. "Before it's too late."
"Do you think our souls are in heaven?" Tara said.
Willow rolled around in bed to face Tara. Miss Kitty, not one for wanting to be left out, jumped on top of Willow's hip and finally nestled herself snugly between Willow and Tara's bellies, purring slightly.
"What are you talking about?" Willow replied.
"I dunno," Tara shrugged. "Just thinking I guess."
"I don't believe souls exist," Willow shrugged. "I think it's just something that the White Hats made up so they can feel superior. I think when we become vampires, all that happens to us is that our inhibitions are stripped away, but the rest of us is still the same. Just no more moral baggage."
"You were always the cynical one," Tara rubbed Willow's cheek with the tips of her fingers.
"But to answer your question," Willow propped herself up a little. "I think we are together. On every world out there, in every form, in every dimension. There's a Willow and Tara everywhere, and they're always in love and happy together. So, how's that for cynical, huh?"
"Love you," Tara purred. "Sleepy."
"Sleep now," Willow yawned. "We've got two giant rolls of lottery tickets to scratch tomorrow."
Finally, the fratboy had managed to get the closet open. Before he could stop himself, he felt on the ground with a thud, while his shackles rattled loudly. Being bound with both hands and feet were difficult but he managed to crawl away from the closet. Burning with fear, the fratboy looked over at the bed where the two bloodsucking girls lay. Lucky for him, he saw that the embracing girls were still asleep.
By now, the not-so-smart formerly horny fratboy had figured out that his captors were vampires. And when he saw a small stripe of sunlight creeping through the thick curtains, he was filled with hope. With desperation, he slowly crawled towards the curtains, trying to keep the chains from making too much noise. If he could only open the curtains, just a little, the vampires would be incinerated, and he would be able to call for help.
Ever closer he crept to the window, until... a cat jumped in front of him. He tried to shoo the beast, but found that he was still gagged. The cat hissed loudly before heading back to the bed. The fratboy knew the end van neigh, so he moved as fast as he could towards the curtain. He was almost there until...
"MOTHERF..." he heard the red-headed one shout. Before he could reach the curtains, the chains that kept him bound were yanked hard. Freedom had been in his grasp, but he was dragged further and further away from it.
The next thing he knew, he was violently thrown down the staircase and landed with a scream on the marble floor of the lobby. Oddly enough, he saw two feet in front of him. He looked up, and saw his saviour. A tall, african-american cop in a highway-patrol uniform stood over him... he had never been happier to see a shiny badge and exclaimed a muffled.
Behind him the two vampires, now wearing bathrobes, ran down the stairs.
"Well, well, well," said the cop. "What's all this, then?"
"Hi officer Tenpenny," both girls greeted.
The fratboy was confused.
"You girls been playing with your food again?" grinned Tenpenny.
"Hey, don't we always?" Willow replied.
"I hope you don't mind me letting myself in. I figured you were up already," Tenpenny replied. "I just came around for the monthly fee."
Tara walked to a small cupboard next to the staircase and fished out a plain brown envelope. "Here," she said, and handed it to Tenpenny. "It's all there. All ten thousand. Wanna count it?"
"No thank you, Tara," Tenpenny replied and slid the envelope into his pocket. "I trust you."
"What'll be the official statement on the convenience store robbery last night?" Willow asked. "Gangs on PCP?"
"Hey, the people love to read about that in the papers," Tenpenny said. "Makes them feel good about their own pathetic little lives. Oh, and there's something else. A teen gang has been making trouble on the outskirts of town. It'd be nice if you'd be able to take care of that problem for us. It'd be in your best interest as well. Gang-activity makes people stay inside at night. And since their turf is in your feeding grounds, well... Need I go on?"
"Lemme guess," Willow grinned. "After we play with the gang, you roll in and take the credit for our kill?"
"And get a nice little bonus for me and my men," Tenpenny smiled. "I'm glad we understand each other. I'll even wave your fee for the next two months if you do this for us."
"We'll look into it for you," Tara promised.
Tenpenny smiled and then looked down to address the fratboy. "Well, I'd say you've got a bit of a problem here, son. Ladies, it's been a pleasure. I'll see you again, next month."
The fratboy watched Tenpenny turn around and walk off. His muffled screams for him to come back fell upon deaf ears. He once again held his tongue when he found the two grinning vampires kneeling down next to him.
"You see," Willow grinned like a shark. "A bent cop is a vampire's best friend."
"For a small fee of ten thousand a month, that nice officer Tenpenny and his friends of the Las Vegas police department intimidate witnesses, make evidence disappear, twist the truth around for the press and hide our tracks for us," Tara said. "And with five master vampires in town, he makes quite a bit of money."
"Now," Willow sing-songed, took two machetes from the cupboard and handed one to Tara. "Miss Kitty is very hungry."
"And we're all out of catfood," Tara said as the two girls vamped out and slowly approached the gagged, yet screaming fratboy.
"Say?" Tara said as she raised her machete. "Doesn't officer Tenpenny sound a lot like Samuel L. Jackson?"
"Nah," Willow said while she did the same. "Laurence Fishburne."
"Are you sure?"
"Play now?" Willow stressed.
"Play now!" Tara agreed.
Outside, in the driveway, officer Tenpenny was heading back to his squadcar when he heard muffled screams which ended as abruptly as they had started.
"Ah," he smiled to himself. "Now that's some true love there, man."
As an extra gift, here is a picture of Amber in Tony Montana-style sunglasses. Rrrroowwwlll.
Note 1 : Tenpenny is based on (read: stolen), from GTA San Andreas and, btw, is voiced by Samuel L. Jackson.
Note 2 : For the record, I think that geeky season 1-2 Willow was incredibly cute, cool even. A Geek Goddess. But I think it's logical for a psychotic, evil and powerful vampiress to look back upon this kind of past with a manner of disdain. It's quite sad, I think.