Author: Washi (ZWS)
Rating: NC-17 baby!
Spoilers: Up to the first thirty minutes of "Seeing Red". The rest is just crap IMHO.
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters, Joss does or whoever. If I owned them, do you really think I would let season 6 happen? And why the hell would I be writing this? So yeah, all belongs to Joss, ME etc...
Timeline and Notes: This is set about two years after the first thirty minutes of "Seeing Red". Tara doesn't get 'shot accidentally.' She's happy and alive here. Buffy was shot, but she lived and the three nerds are in jail. Xander and Anya got back together after a while, and finally they got married. Dawn is in college. You'll get details of all these events as the "Journal" will reveal many things.
Feedback: I love it, I live for it, washi70s@yahoo.fr.
Archive: Wherever, just let me know first.
Thanks: To all the naughty Kittens in the chat and smut authors who inspire me. Thanks to tkheaven for one of our chats where we thought of Anya finding something about our girls. Something more detailed I mean.
Other Thanks: To Alyson Hannigan and Amber Benson who gave spirit to these wonderful characters! You girls rock my world!
Angst? What angst?: Maybe minor stuff, but nothing to be worried about.
Author's Notes: This is the first time I write smut, so if you like it, let me know! Also, encouragement and ideas r cool with me, but these (the ideas) have to reach me by email. Also, I'm still writing "The Hidden Land Of Pain" but this one should be updated more regularly because smut is fun to write! Also, I don't have a beta for this, so all mistakes are mine.
Thoughts are in between < >. Journal entries are in italic. ' ' are usually character thoughts in the Journal.

"Buffy, you're the Slayer! Stop whining about the weight of the boxes!" Willow whined at Buffy's constant whining.

Buffy grunted and said nothing more. Willow was grinning goofily, her eyes shining with happiness. She ran up the steps and opened the door to her new home. She grabbed the box she had deposited on the steps and made her way inside the beautiful house. Buffy and Xander followed, both carrying boxes.

"Will, I'm heading upstairs to drop these, ok?" Xander asked, his face red.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead." Willow said, bouncing happily on the balls of her feet. She looked around at the furnished living room and sighed happily, touching the picture frame on the mantle. She smiled happily and went outside to help Buffy get more boxes inside.

It wasn't a regular day for the Scoobies. It was a day of both sadness and happiness. Willow and Tara were moving out of Buffy's house after having lived there three years. With Willow working in a big shot computer firm and Tara working in the museum, they had afforded the house and decided finally to move out on their own. Buffy and Dawn had initially argued, not wanting their family to break apart, but had finally agreed reluctantly to the idea, knowing Tara and Willow needed more intimacy. Also, the Summers sisters were growing tired of walking in on the couple. Since they had registered as "Domestic Partners" a few months ago, the two witches were going at it like two bunnies on crack. And it was quite frustrating to Buffy, her still being single, to hear their late night sexcapades. She didn't say anything of course as she loved her two friends, but still, it was frustrating as hell for her.

They continued moving the boxes, smiling all he way.

Anya had sent off the last box with her husband, and now being alone in the witches' ex-room, she wanted to check if they had forgotten anything. She kneeled besides the bed and looked under it, waiting to see a forgotten shoe or something of the kind. Instead, she saw a very thick leather journal and reaching out, grasped it in her hand. She pulled it out and got up. She looked around, and seeing as no one was around, she opened the journal on the first page to check if it belonged to her friends. She didn't expect to see the journal's title:

Anya's eyes took a gleeful glint as she turned the first page. She knew the others weren't in the house, and she kept an ear alert in case someone came along. She sat down on the bed and started reading eagerly.

I, Willow Rosenberg, have started this journal because I never want to forget that the goddess has given me a second chance. A second chance to love, be loved by and make love with my soul mate, Tara Maclay.
Of course, I don't just want to think about the sex parts, but they pop in my head really often, and I'm this journal right after our first night being reunited. So, the title is kinda fitting. I will write another journal with Tara in a PG rated way, in case one day, we'd show it to our children. So, Tara and I agreed to make this our "sex journal", thus the title.
Hopefully, one day, we'll find here every single "sexcapade" we had since Tara took me back into her life. Now, that was my little introduction, and I'm gonna write about last night while Tara showers. Now, you're probably thinking: 'How come you're not with her?' And I would love to be with her, but Buffy needs us for research, so we can't waste any time. And if I get in the shower with her, I'll be spending the rest of the day there, and that would make me non-supporto gal.
Anyways, last night still seems a dream to me. I was on our bed, or, then it was still my bed, when I heard Tara talking behind me. I was kinda surprised, 'cause I had seen her earlier that day at the Pump for our second first date. Well, you get it. Plus, I thought I was alone with Dawnie in the house, since Buffy and Xander had left to go to the Magic Box after having seen Anya and Spike having sex on the research table. Ok, bad visual, and I'm straying from the initial subject.
Yeah, I heard Tara behind me, from the door talking. Her speech will forever be sketched to my heart. Here goes:

My Love: "Things fall apart. They fall apart so hard."

Me: "Tara?"

I said that 'cause I was still surprised, more like in shock to see her, standing there, beautiful as always in the room's doorway. Anyways:

My Love: "You can never put them back the way thy were."

Me: "Are you ok?"

My Love: "I'm sorry, it's just…"

She pauses, and I feel like just rushing over to hug her, to take away the pain that's evident in her eyes, but I knew I had lost that right. So I just waited patiently for her to continue. She walked a bit in the room.

My Love: "You know, it takes time. You can't just have coffee and expect…"

Here, I interrupted her. We had coffee earlier in the day, but I didn't expect us to jump in bed immediately, so I wanted to calm her, to make her understand, so I said simply:

"I know."

My Love: "There's just so much to work through. Trust has to be built again, on both sides."

I felt like a knife was swirling in my stomach and in my heart. I felt, and I still feel guilty, as I should. After all, I did violate her mind, twice. And I'll spend my whole life showing her how sorry I am for treating her like that. For falling in the darkness and loosing her, my light. She continued talking though, and didn't tell me that she never wanted to see me again.

My Love: "You have to learn if… if we're even the same people we were, if we can still fit in each other's lives. It's a long important process and…"

She paused, and I thought 'This is it, this is the one sentence that's gonna kill me. She's gonna say: "I don't think I can do it." Or something like that.' I braced myself.

My Love: "Can we just skip it? Can you… can you just be kissing me now?"

I thought I imagined that last part for a few second until I looked deeper in her eyes and saw that I was not going insane, and that this was my second chance. I saw the longing in her eyes. Yes, my Tara's full of surprises.
I felt a smile starting to form on my lips, and I got up. We just ran into each other's arms, our lips finding each other's instinctively. I felt her tongue in my mouth, her hands caressing my cheek, the other my back. My own hands were on the back of her neck, stroking her hair, the other one urging her forward. Our tongues met, and swirled around each other in the warm wetness of my mouth. She tangled her hand in my hair and pulled me even closer. She sucked at my lower lip, and I was holding on to her, as if she was gonna be just a dream. But no dream was like this.
She thrust her tongue in my mouth again, and I caught it between my teeth lightly, sucking at the tip voraciously, like a sweet too long forbidden. She moaned against my lips, and I released her tongue to drink deeper from her. Our tongue clashed against each other, the need and the want unbearable. Our bodies were scorching, I needed her, right then, and what filled me even more with love is that I knew, I felt, that she needed me too.
I needed skin, I wanted more, and by the way she was pulling at my top, it was reciprocal. Oxygen was becoming an issue but neither of us wanted to break the kiss, the kiss that healed and promised soo many things. I felt light-headed, and I already knew I was primed for action. We had been apart too long, and our bodies were overeager to find the missing pieces again. They wanted to be complete.
Reluctantly, I broke the kiss and gazed at her flushed cheeks, her smoky eyes, her mouth, reddened and wet by the kiss. I needed to tell her soo much. We pressed our foreheads together, and I looked deeply in her eyes, catching my breath before going on.

"Tara, I'm just, I'm soo sorry. I promise I'll never hurt you like that again. I've kicked magic for good, and I'm never going back to that. Baby? Are you giving me a second chance?" I asked, needing to be reassured.

Tara smiled, her watery eyes mirroring mine.

"Willow, I know you've kicked magic. I know what you went through. Dawnie and Buffy told me. And yes, this is your second chance. But, you have to know, this is also your last. Willow if you ever…"

I silenced her with a finger on her lips, and swore:

"Never. I'll never risk losing you again."

She smiled and kissed my finger.

"We have a lot to talk about sweetie, but tonight, our bodies need to start healing. We'll talk tomorrow. But now, I wanna make love honey." Tara said, moving closer to me.

I simply nodded and leaned closer, our lips an inch away and advancing slowly. I could feel her breath on my lips, and by the hungry look in her eye, I knew she could feel mine on hers. Just as her lips grazed mine, my brain kicked in, and I pulled away, leaving her embrace. She looked at me, slightly hurt.

"No, no honey. I want this, but I also need the door to be closed, you know?" I replied smiling.

The hurt look on her face changed to a Tara-grin, and I suddenly forgot why I wasn't kissing her. I could hear music coming from Dawn's room and I remembered. I went to the door and took down the dress that was hanging there. As I did so, I realized that that was the dress I was wearing when we last made love, so many months ago. I felt a pang of guilt again, but I knew I had a second chance. Things were looking up. I laid the dress on a chair, smiling, closed and locked the door. I turned back to Tara, and I knew she was thinking of that love-filled afternoon when we left the Magic Box and research to go home. I'll never forget the way she sang to me, and the way we made love afterwards. It was truly magical, and not only because of the singing spell we were under.

< I knew they were going home to have sex! > Anya thought. The house was still silent and she continued her reading gleefully.

But of course, it was a bitter-sweet time, for she knew later about my first deceit. I vowed to myself to make this night the most special night ever, to make her know and feel how much I loved her. I went to her, and she smiled at me. We wrapped our arms around each other again, and we leaned ever so slowly towards each other. Once again, our breaths were intermingling, my lips were tingling with anticipation. Our lips were now almost touching, and I unconsciously licked my lips the instant she did. Our tongue collided, and we both dove into the kiss, our hands grasping at the other blindly, trying to pull each other closer. I lifted my hands to her leather coat, and while my tongue was swirling against hers, I slipped it off her shoulders. Her hands left my body as she shrugged the piece of clothing off. Her hands resumed their frenzy path, gliding under my shirt to the naked skin of my back. I moaned against her mouth as she sucked on my tongue deeply. Slowly, my hands crept under her own shirt to the warm skin of her stomach. They glided over to her satin-covered breasts and felt her nipples harden immediately under my touch. She reached the clasp of my bra and pulled it free. The shirt's material was now bunched up under my armpits. The kiss waxed as she pulled back slightly, motioning wordlessly to take let me let her my shirt off. We broke apart just to take each other's shirts off. We dove back in our warm heaven, drinking from each other deeply. My own hands found her bra's front clasp, and I undid it. I pushed black satin bra off. My hands found her erect nipples, and I rubbed my thumbs on them, the rough pads of my fingers making the nipples harden even more.
Her own hands found my backside and she kneaded the flesh before pulling me closer. We broke the kiss, gasping for air, red-faced and wanting, our eyes clouded with passion and unfulfilled desire. We pressed once again our foreheads together and we started wordlessly pawing at the rest of the clothing we both wore. My hands found the zipper of her skirt and undid it as she tried to kick off her shoes. Army boots can't be kicked off. I knelt down and untied them before slipping first the one, then the other from her elegant feet. Her skirt pooled around her legs, and I watched her body, transfixed as I made my journey back to my original standing position.
'She is my curvaceous goddess. And as a goddess she shall be treated' I thought to myself. I would worship every single portion of her body tonight, from her feet to her muscular calves, to her hips, to her mound now clad only in a small satin and lace slip, to her warm stomach, to her beautiful rounded breasts, to her shoulder, arms, hands, to her neck, and her ears and her beautifully sculpted face. I faced her again as she undid the button and zipper of my own skirt, that fell at my feet. She pulled down my baby blue pantyhose, and I was too now clad in nothing more than my undies. She pulled them down, and I did the same to her. My knees felt weak as I smelled our combined arousal. I took her hand, her precious hand with those graceful slender fingers, and led her to bed. I pushed away my book and laid her down on her side before settling down at her side. We started kissing again, our lips and tongues rediscovering all that was lost, and all that was to be found again. My hand slowly started caressing her side, headed for her rounded breasts, and I felt the same from her. I felt my wetness starting to dribble down my thighs. I hooked one of my legs between her own, feeling her pooling wetness on the scorching skin of my-

"Anya! Where are you honey? The girls are waiting in their new house!" Xander yelled from downstairs, making Anya jump a mile. She had been so engrossed in the journal that she didn't notice the front door opening.

"Coming!" she replied before tucking the black book in her purse, that was lying beside her on the bed. She got up and started heading downstairs.

<This should be interesting. Willow should write porn or romance novels. That was highly arousing. Xander will be happy tonight.> she thought to herself, smiling widely.