Return to Growth Chapter Twenty


Author: Willohand
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Willow, Tara, Buffy & any of the other BtVS characters that might pop up belong to Joss Whedon, 20th Century Fox and mutant Enemy, which they all became by killing off Tara and breaking up everybody's favourite wiccan couple. All original characters are the creation of my own imagination. Oh, & the university really does exist.

As the dancers waited for their turn, all eyes were on Tara and Chris as they whirled by. Tara's very sexy white dress was a true compliment to her curvy hourglass shape. It was form fitting while not being too constricting for the moves she was performing. It was, in color, that of a soft white. It was long with splits on both hips.You could see every muscle in her legs through it. Her hip muscles were on show.With every move Willow was finding it hard to remain calm. She tried to reason with herself but Aggressive Willow was not trying to hear it...

Aggressive Wilow has now entered the Psyche. If you were standing near her you could hear it. And Faith was the first to hear it, the low growling. She looked at Willow.
Willow to Aggressive Wilow: OHMYGOD! Look at her. And the way that dress is fitting her... fitting her bod...dy
Aggressive Willow: Now you're talking my language. Snatch her up and take her back to that chair she fed me in earlier. My lips still throb at the thought of how she rode them. God we are getting so wet.
Wilow to Aggressive Wilow: SHUT UP! I-i-i... god look at her hips, the way the muscles are... gulp. Okay we have to get control. The both of us have to come together...
Aggressive Willow: Now that's my girl. I'm all for us coming together. Or coming all over Tara's...
Willow to Aggressive Willow: HEY? THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT. I mean you and I have to get ourselves under control. Look how Faith is staring at us. And you are making me with all the naughty thoughts...
Aggressive Willow to Willow: Oh no you don't. You're not going to blame that on me. You want her just as much as I do, if not more. So you go take care of Faith and I'll just enjoy the show. God we are so wet. We are damn near dripping. Oh god that Tara is too much.

Willow turned to Faith but continued to stare at Tara. Her eyes steadily changing from one shade of green to another. And Aggressive Willow was loving it. She was beside herself with lust towards Tara. Faith was looking towards Tara as well and smirked to herself. Finally she attempted to get Willow's attention one last time.

Vixeny Tara has now entered the psyche.
Tara to Vixeny Tara: You can fe-feel her can't you? I can smell her arousal. It's strong.
Vixeny Tara to Tara: Yeah I can smell her. It's strong. I need to let her know I'm here. Please...please let me. I want her to see through you to me and know I'm here too.
Tara to Vixeny Tara: Oh of course. But how? How are you going to let h...

Before Tara could finish asking the question Vixeny Tara was dancing her way to her lover's scent. Both Willow and Aggressive Wilow could sense her. They both could feel her coming and they had stopped looking and were finally trying to pay attention to Faith. But the closer Tara got the less they heard anything Faith was saying.

Tara to Vixeny Tara: Her... her scent is... Gulp, okay we have to get over there. Must get closer to her.
Vixeny Tara to Tara: God she is really aroused isn't sh-she? Is it just me? I mean I really can smell her. Okay she's making me all tingly and and...
Tara to Vixeny Tara: Oh god yes she's making me so... uhhhhhhhhh soooooooooooo... god I want her. Her eyes are a different shade every time I look at them. Ohmygod...
Vixeny Tara to Tara: She certainly is. Now let's get closer so she can see I'm here too.

What happened next was beyond Tara's or Chris's control. Vixeny Tara was partly controlling Tara's body as well as Tara. She eased away from Chris in a manner that had both Chris and Raven in awe. Chris was just completing a double spin out of Tara and was about to snap her back into him when she slunk away in a slow pace, but one that carried her into a full split.

Seeing this Wilow and Aggressive Willow all but creamed in her panties.

Tara's body to Willow's body: I can feel you. You like me in this position don't you? You're now imagining me in that chair in this position over your waiting hungry mouth aren't you? How much more of this can you take? Should I drive you crazy right here in public in front of Buffy and Faith knowing you will have to wait to get me home and straddling you? Tell me. Talk to me.

Willow's body, every part of it cried out in lust.

Willow's body to Tara's body: Oh fffffffffuuuccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk! God yes. Need you so much. Please stop. Stop teasing. I'm so hot right now. You are the only thing that can quench this thirst.
Tara's breast to Wilow's mouth: We need some attention. We need you sucking us. Licking us. We need you biting down into us. Please... oh god we are on fire. Look at us carefully.

Willow's eyes went straight to Tara's nipples. She gulped and stumbled back into Faith. Faith looked at Buffy who in turn stared at the fallen Willow.

"Willow? Hey Will are you alright?" Buffy asked as she pulled Wilow to her feet.But not before catching the look in Tara's eyes. Oh my god. Tara is putting Will under some spell with those eyes. Sh-she's really sexy tonight. Okay whoa... what the hell was that? Okay Buff get a grip. That's your best friend's girl and your adopted sister. Just look away from her eyes, she thought to herself. But then it happened. Faith looked into the direction along with Buffy and Willow. But what she saw was something totally different. Their eyes locked.

Faith eyes grew large with fear and anger. Little Faith has now entered the Psyche.

Faith couldn't believe what she was seeing."No way. What the hell? This cant be. She... Oh God... I'm losing it. I have to get out of here," she said to no-one, but Buffy heard and her head whipped around and saw the look on Faith's face. She also heard the child like way in which Faith spoke.

Little Faith to Adult Faith: It's okay Faith. It's really okay. You have to listen to me.
Faith to Little Faith: Wha... who are you? What are you? Is Tara a...? I mean how did you get inside my head? And why am I even talking to you?
Little Faith to Adult Faith: It's me. I'm you. I'm you only much younger. You have to listen to me and trust me. Can you do that? It's very important you try. Tara is a friend. Our friend. Your friend. She isn't going to hurt you. She helped me. She helped you too. She's our friend. Don't be afraid. Don't get angry and lose control and go after her. Please Faith just listen.

Just then it happened. Faith's angry side emerged. Angry Faith has now entered the Psyche. Angry Faith to Little Faith: Don't tell me what the hell to do. Now what the hell is she? I'm going to hurt her for tricking me.
Little Faith to Angry Faith: NO, you can't hurt her. She's good and she helped us. She helped me. I like her. She's a friend.
Angry Faith to Little Faith: She's no friend of mine. SHE'S NOT EVEN HUMAN! WHAT THE HELL IS SHE?
Little Faith to Angry Faith: NO! I WON'T LET YOU HURT HER! She is a good person. She cares for me and you. Please whatever you do, don't hurt her. It will destroy me. If we hurt her it will kill me. She helped me when I was so close to the edge of... I almost gave up. All these years of blaming myself for mommy leaving us...
Angry Faith to Little Faith: What the hell are you talking about?
Little Faith to Angry Faith: You know what I'm talking about. That's why your so angry. You and I blame ourselves for mommy's leaving. But Faith it isn't true. We didn't do anything wrong. It wasn't us. We didn't... we...
Angry Faith to Little Faith: We didn't kill her. We didn't kill her? SHUT UP! It was us. They told us it was our fault. I remember them saying it. They said I was the reason mommy had to leave me. That I killed her. And now you want me to believe otherwise? Why, because of that Tara? She doesn't know shit. I'm going to beat the hell out of her. Tara is just playing games. I don't like being toyed with. Nobody plays with my emotions. You want to listen to her you can. I'm not listening. She's going to be sorry she fucked with me.

Willow and Buffy both felt the mood swing in Faith. Wilow looked into her eyes and quickly recognized that cold look. She stepped toward Faith and touched her shoulder. "Faith what is it? What's wrong?" sne asked. Faith snatched away from her coldly.

"Your girlfriend is what's the matter. And I'm going to take care of her." Faith went to step by Wilow but was caught by Buffy.

"Okay I don't know what just happened but you and I need to get some air." Buffy pulled Faith by her arms but Faith fought Buffy off. "Will help me. We need to get her away from here. NOW!" Both Wilow and Buffy got hold of Faith and dragged her outside. On the dance floor Tara witnessed the whole thing. She knew she had to have a talk with Faith.

Buffy quickly slipped her handcuffs on Faith and handcuffed her to the bench.

"Buffy what's going on? Why is she being like this?" Willow asked.

"She knows Will. She figured it out, about Tara and the talk about her... her mother," Buffy explained.

Little Faith to Angry Faith: Please... please stop it. You have to calm down.You cant hurt Tara. She helped me and if you just let her she can help you too. Why are you so angry? She didn't do anything to hurt us. She was helping.

Just then Faith closed her eyes trying to drown out all the voices in her head. Then she slumped over. Buffy and Willow were both quickly at her side. Faith eyes fluttered open.

"Buffy? Buffy help me," came a small voice.

"Faith? I mean Buttercup is that you?" Buffy asked with fear building. Willow was holding Buffy's hand. "Tara. You have get Tara." Willow dropped Buffy's hand and ran inside to get Tara. Inside the dancers were changing for the next routine. They had a 20 minute break until they had to be back on the floor. Before Willow even said a word Tara jumped up from her seat as soon as Wilow came trough the door. They both ran out.

"Is she okay? I saw what happened. She knows doesn't she? Is she alright?" Tara asked as they were running outside. She ran straight to Faith and knelt down in front of her. "Faith? Faith are you okay? I need to explain if you let me." Calming blue met a cold and confused brown pair of eyes.

"Why are you doing this? Your just like everybody else.You want to hurt me. Or you want something from me. Which is it Blondie? What do you want from me?" Faith asked as she looked into Tara's eyes. Tara looked to Buffy.

"Buffy uncuff her please." Tara stood up. Buffy did as Tara asked but was fearful. "It's okay Buffy. Don't worry, she's not going to hurt me. I trust her," Tara said.

Faith gave Tara a look. "Oh I wouldn't be so sure of that Blondie," she said.

Little Faith to Angry Faith: Why are you saying this? You know deep down inside she would never hurt you.
Angry Faith to Little Faith: Oh do I? All I know is people can't be trusted. They say anything to get you to trust them then the first opening they hurt you.
Little Faith to Angry Faith: What about Buffy? What about Willow? You trust them. You and Buffy are lovers... girlfriends. You love Buffy and I know you love Willow. If you didn't you wouldn't have shown up to talk to that woman who hurt her and tried to steal Tara. OH... oh Tara... I know you trust her so why are you acting this way? I trust Tara with our wellbeing so stop this. Please don't hurt her.Don't do something you may regret.

On its own Faith's hand went out and lightly touched Tara's check. She leaned in and stared into Tara's eyes. They were a beautiful blue. A blue just like her moms. The deeper she looked the heavier her own eyes became. She blinked a few times as Tara concentrated on being perfectly still. Her mind reached out to Faith.

Tara's mind to Faith's tortured soul: I'm not trying to hurt you. Please just let me help. I want to help ease your suffering. You're not the person you think you are. I think part of you knows it. You just need to see for yourself. I can help you if you let me. Will you let me hold you and show you you? Faith we all love you. I care for you. You're not just Willow's closest friend. And you're far more than just Buffy's girlfriend to me. You're someone I call a friend. I know we have had our problems but only due in part to your caring so much for the kids we are going to have. I understand your fears. I do. Just let yourself finally be free. You don't have to hurt to feel alive anymore. You don't need to hurt to feel anymore. You're not that person your father made you to believe you are. I can see you Faith. I can see it all. There is something you need to know about your mother. Can I help you to see it? There is something that you have been holding on to and its time you let yourself be free. Please Faith...

Faith pulled her hand away and eased away from Tara with a look of confusion on her face. She pulled further back from Tara, Buffy and Willow. They all just watched. It all seemed to have happened in slow motion, Faith pulling her gun from her boot leg. With trembling hands she held the gun at Tara. Buffy grabbed Willow who tried to get to Faith.

"Will don't move. You could get Tara hurt."

Tara looked into Faith's eyes past the gun pointing at her and studied her. Faith's hand stopped trembling as she slowly pointed the gun to her temple.

"Get out Please don't hurt me. M-mmake it stop. Make all the pain just stop. I-I-I don't want to hurt anymore. I hurt so much. I want to not feel like this anymore," Faith cried as she heard the words that haunted her very being. "YOU KILLED YOUR MOTHER! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT YOU STUPID DIRTY LITTLE BITCH!" Faith tried to not listen but part of her was convinced he was right. It was her farther telling her this so it must be true. Tears ran down her cheeks as she backed away from the people she loved and and took off the safety. Buffy's eyes grew large with fear. The positions changed as it was Willow now holding Buffy back from Faith.

"I have to make it stop. I HAVE TO MAKE HIS VOICE GO AWAY! DADDY STOP IT! Just leave me alone. I-I-I I'm sorry I killed mommy. I didn't mean it. Please daddy don't hurt me anymore." Faith was whimpering and her breathing was heavy. Her face as was her shirt was covered in sweat. Tara continued to look as deeply into Faith eyes as she was allowed.

Tara to Faith's tortured soul: Faith no... no it's not your fault. Your daddy... h-he he lied to you. You're not to blame. You have to let yourself remember. Stop being angry for a short time and let yourself feel it.

The mind is powerful. It can keep protect us from memories it knows we are not able to face. It makes us forget certain horrors we have suffered. It represses memories that are too damaging for one to feel. Depending on the amount of suffering it will hide from us the pain for as long as it sees fit. A week, a month, or for years. For Faith the psychological mechanisms of suppression, repression is all but an illusion she's is safe from harm. Her inner child is at constant war.

She wants and needs love but once given she sees it as a way of someone hurting her. Love comes with a price tag. To love means her getting hurt. She pushes it away before it can hurt her. While at the same time craving it. The danger to her is inseparable from love. She feels especially threatened because when she lets herself love it makes it easier to be open to being hurt and/or betrayed. Still she tries to reach for and grab hold of it.

Looking around Faith sees the look of horror in Buffy's eyes. She doesn't want to hurt the woman she loves. She then looks to Willow, whose green eyes are in so much pain. Finally she looks into Tara's eyes. There she finds a calm. She finds peace. She finds a new found hope. She looks deeper into those calming baby blues and her eyes flutter. Her hand holding the gun begins to tremble. Taking a step back she looks around and starts to mumble again. Tapping her temple with the gun she speaks to her farther.

"God... why wont you leave me alone? I didn't mean to kill her I was just a kid. Please just get out of my head," she says over and over again, all the while tapping the gun against her temple. Then without warning she starts to pull the trigger. There are bodies flying at Faith in slow motion from different directions. Her body goes limp and hits the ground hard as Buffy's fist connects with her jaw. The gun falls as Willow dives to catch it so it doesn't fire from the impact of the ground. She barely catches it as she falls over Tara's body that is sprawled out on top of Faith's who's on the the ground unconscious.

Everybody looks at Buffy. "I had to do it. She was going to... to hurt herself," she whispered. Both Willow and Tara shook their head in agreement with Buffy. Suddenly there was Chris at the door looking around for Tara. Buffy noticed first. She signaled to Willow.

"You have to go. They need you inside. The dance remember? Tara you have to go. It's okay. Go, I will take care of Faith. Go," she told them. Neither Tara nor Willow moved from Faith's side. "I mean it guys, just get in there or I will be forced to knock you both out too," she smiled at her best friend and her new close friend. The two got up and first helped Buffy to get Faith into Buffy's car. "Don't worry, I'm going to take her to the hospital and try to come back for the end of the show," she said smiling at Willow.

With hesitation both Willow and Tara walked off. Buffy climbed into the back seat where Faith lay unconscious, gently touched her face.

"Oh god... I love you so much. I'm sorry I hit you. I'm really sorry but I had to. I couldn't let you hurt yourself. I refuse to let you get away again," Buffy whispered into Faith's hair. She then used the seat belt to strap Faith in and was off to the hospital.

Back at the dance hall Tara was upset and worried. But outwardly she didn't let on to the others. Then just when things couldn't get any worse, Jamie happened. She strolled in and brushed up against Willow. Willow thought Tara didn't see it but she did. What happened next was beyond her control.

"HEY? THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU COMING ON TO AND HITTING ON MY GIRL. IT STOPS NOW. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Tara yelled as she crossed the room to get into the woman's face. Everybody stopped getting changed to see what was happening. Willow was the most surprised. Chris signaled to Raven, who simply pulled Chris out of Tara's way. She knew this was something Tara obviously had to do. Tara was in complete control. She let Jamie have it with honesty and the things she said had everyone applauding.

"She is mine. She isn't interested in you in any way, shape or form. So I am asking you for the last time to leave Willow alone. No more looks, no more accidental feels and no more hitting on, in front of me or when I'm not around. I'm going to be a lady here. But if I ever catch you even giving her a look I think is not appropiate I will kick your ass. Are we clear?" she asked calmy. When Jamie didnt answer Tara snatched her up by her shirt.

"I said are we clear?" Tara growled in Jamie's face. Jamie shook her head yes and Tara dropped her back into her chair and took Willow by her hand and walked back to her area to continue getting changed. The room was deathly silent. No one knew what to do or say. It was Willow who broke the silence by giving out orders of the dancers. Willow silently smiled to herself as she did so. Ohmygod... did my baby just get total butch? Oh that was scary, yet very sexy. I never knew Tara had it in her. Well that takes care of my Jamie problem, she thought to herself as she eyed Tara. Tara winked and went about her dressing for her last dance, which was a short solo of 10 minutes. And as far as Tara was concerned it might feel like a lifetime. As she nervously went over her steps in her mind her hands did a small dance of their own. Only Willow noticed. She walked over and wrapped her arms tightly around Tara's waist and signed something that seems to stop the hand twitch. She kissed Tara's ear and walked away. Tara smiled and began to stretch. While deep inside her Psyche Vixeny Tara lay waiting to appear. It was decided between them she would make her entrance.

Vixeny Tara to Tara: You sure you want me to control us? I mean like you I get lost to the music and well... I have a tendency to get really...
Tara to Vixeny Tara: I kinow and it's what I want. For us both to go out there and lose total control. There is going to be a certain sexy redhead watching. And that bitch Jamie. I want to let her see what I have in store for her at the competion for that spot in the Britney video and for our dance-off. Want you to give her something to think about.
Vixent Tara to Tara: Say no more. I'll give her plenty to fear and to think about. You better hold on to. This is going to be fun and maybe a little exhausting for you.
Tara to Viexny Tara: Gulp. Ummm o-o-kay.

Back at the hospital

Buffy stood at Faith's side gently playing in her hair. "So soft. Have I ever told you how much I love your hair? It's so soft and long. God... I remember the first time I saw you. I thought it was the sexiest thing. Well that and your mouth."

Flashback... Buffy stood outside Willow's dorm room waiting for her best friend to let her in. But when the door opened Buffy came face to face with a very sexy brunete."Hi. I'm Buffy. And who are you? You can't be Faith. Willow didnt tell me you were so sexy." God look at all that sexy hair. A girl could have lots of fun playing in it.

Before Buffy could stop herself she was reaching out, stepping closer to Faith and playing in her hair. Faith eyes grew large with confusion and surprise. This is Willow's best friend? She never mentioned Buffy being gay. And wait she's coming on to me? Wait is she coming on to me? Did she say I'm sexy?

Faith got nervous and looked away from Buffy and down at her shoes. Buffy didn't back away but she did pull her hand slowly out of Faith's hair. "You know you have beautiful hair." And a really sexy mouth too, Buffy thought to herself.

end flashback.

"You were so cute back then.You were nervous and couldn't even look me in the eyes. I think I started falling for you right there and then." Just then the nurse walked in.

"I have to check on her. Can you wait over there please and I will call you when I'm done." Buffy walked to the other side of the room as the nurse checked on Faith.

Little Faith to Angry Faith: See? Look at her over there. She loves us. She's in love with us.
Adult Faith: She had to. You were about to... to pull the trigger and kill us all because of your anger. I'm glad she stopped you. I don't want to die. I think I've been dead long enough. I want to live and live with Buffy loving me and us loving her back. COMPLETELY! Tell her. You have to show her it all or she's going to stay angry and risk harming us all.
Angry Faith:What are you talking about tell me? Tell her what? Show her what? What are you talking about?
Little Faith: Tara was and is right. You have to know the truth. And Faith is right, I risk us all if I don't show you. I'm ready to face it again. I have to. If I don't you will take us over and be dominant and, no offense, but I'm not wiling to lose Buffy, Willow, Tara and ourselves because you want to be angry for something we didn't do.
Little Faith: STOP IT! She's not a freak. She's our friend. Okay I was hoping you would come to terms with who it is that generally cares for you and who doesn't but I see you're letting your anger cloud your thinking. I'm sory Faith, I had hoped to do this another way under different conditions but you leave me no choice. You were wiling to harm us all in your fit of anger. I won't be harmed anymore. I have suffered enough. We all have. It's time you let go and allow us to move on.

Angry Faith was about to speak when suddenly she was flooded with thoughts and voices and memories. It was all too much for her. She passed out.

Adult Faith to Little Faith: It has to be done. If we let her continue we all will be in danger. If she controls the personality we are in serious trouble. She's too angry and now she has it in for Tara. You know she's dangerous when she's angry like this. She tried to kill us all. She knows we are all part of the same mind and soul. Killing herself we too die. That makes her a danger not only to herself but to us as well. I don't want to die.

Just then the moniters hooked up to Faith started to go off. Buffy flew across the room. "WHAT IS THAT? WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S WRONG WITH HER?" she yelled frantically. The nurse pushed past her to hit a button. Seconds later the room was buzzing with activity.

"We have to ask you to leave the room Ms. Summers. When we have her stable we will let you know." Buffy fought to be near Faith. The doctor called for security and had her taken out the room, but not before she was able to bring a security guard, who was 6'8 weighing at least 210lbs, to his knees.

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