Tara glanced at her watch as she walked into the house. It was 3:25 in the afternoon. Everything had gone as planned at the stadium, and Tara had finished setting up early, so she'd rushed back home to spend some time with her Mom and Willow before she and the redhead had to go back for the concert. Walking into the house all she heard was silence, so she popped her head out to the garden to see Marie wearing a large sunhat and pointing something out in the rose bushes to the gardener.
"Hi Marie" she yelled out, "Where is everyone?"
Not one to yell out a conversation, Marie walked up to her and answered "Willow went in for a shower so that she could be ready as you asked by 4:30, Donny hasn't come home yet from last night and Miss White is in the study. She's asked you to see her in there when you got home."
"Thanks Marie" Tara said, smiling and about to turn to leave when Marie said back, "No problem Tara. Would you like some lunch?"
Tara shook her head, "Thanks Marie, but I grabbed a bite at the stadium" she said, and turned to walk towards the study. Once there she knocked on the door.
"Come in" came her mother's voice, and Tara entered to see Susanna behind the large mahogany desk she kept in there, at work on her laptop. Seeing her daughter Susanna lowered her reading glasses and smiled "Hey sweetie, everything going according to plan at the concert?"
Nodding Tara walked in and sat across her mother on one of the armchairs that were placed there. "Perfecto" she grinned, "What are you doing?"
"Working on Wednesday's show" Susanna replied. "Willow helped me out with most of the details, and I'm just getting back to the team with my final idea of what I want the show to be like." Tara nodded her head, as Susanna continued, "The concept for the show is homosexuality."
Tara continued to nod her head, even as she thought 'How ironic...I discover that I'm gay and my mother is doing an episode of her talk show on homosexuality.'
As if reading her thoughts Susanna said "And that brings me to what I want to ask you. Before I say anything all I want you to remember is that I'm your mother and I love you and nothing will ever change that. I've seen enough of life in my years to know that everyone's different and the last thing people should be doing these days is judging each other." Tara nodded her head again as her heart beat began to pick up. Taking a deep breath Susanna said "So sweetie, all I want from you right now is to be honest with me, okay?"
Once again Tara nodded her head, blinking slowly and looking at her mother. It felt like a part of her knew what her mother was going to say. "Okay" Susanna said, thinking that it was best to be upfront about this, "I was watching you at the party last night, and I noticed that you kept looking at Willow. Now I COULD be completely wrong here, but the way you were looking at her makes me think that you've got a thing for her."
Tara sat there motionless, like a deer caught in the headlights of an SUV that was speeding her way. 'Was it THAT obvious?' she wondered, as she thought of how she should reply to her mother. She sat there quietly for a few seconds, and just as she opened her mouth to answer she thought about how much her family had been through together. The pain of the divorce, the difficulties of not having enough money to survive and the struggle to even survive at times had brought the family closer together. Tara knew that after all that there was only one thing that the there Maclay's deserved from each other : Honesty.
Taking a deep breath she nodded her head and said "Yes Mom...I...I really like Willow..." She sat there quietly, waiting for her mother to respond, but when Tara realized that Susanna was waiting for her to go on, she added "And the truth is that it scares me a lil bit."
Susanna smiled at her daughter, proud that she'd been able to say it. Susanna was a parent who prided the fact that no matter what, her children had always been able to trust her and tell her their deepest secrets. "What are you scared about?" she asked, wanting Tara to say it out loud because somehow she had the feeling that what her daughter really needed right now was to voice out her own fears to someone...anyone.
Tara blinked and looked thoughtful for a second, before starting to speak again. "I dunno...I guess...well, I've never really felt like this for anyone before...and well, it took me a little while to accept it but I have. I'm not scared about the fact that I am most probably gay. THAT I can deal with. It's just, I don't know what's happening here, and I can't seem to control it. THAT's what's really getting to me. I mean, I don't even know if Willow feels the same way. She had a boyfriend till a few days ago, and, well, she has split with him, but that doesn't mean that she likes me, or even likes girls at all, and...and I don't know!" she said, stopping when she realized that she was beginning to rant.
Susanna just regarded her flustered daughter for a few seconds, before taking a calm breath. "First of all, I want you to know that I'm really proud of how you're handling realizing that you might be gay. Believe me, I've met a lot of gay people in this business, and if I had a penny for every person who's told me how hard it was for them to accept it themselves, well, let's just say that the next 3 generations of Maclay's wouldn't have to work for a single day of their lives!" Despite her situation, Tara couldn't help but smile at her mother's way of putting things. "Now, as for Willow...do you think she might like you?" Susanna had already decided that she wasn't going to tell Tara that she thought the red head reciprocated her feelings. That was something she wanted Tara to discover herself.
"Well" Tara started, looking serious as she contemplated what had happened in the past few days, "Sometimes when I'm around her I get the feeling that she might like me. I don't know what it is...maybe it's that I look up and I'll see her looking at me, and then when she realizes that I'm looking she'll quickly look away. Or sometimes she smiles at me and her eyes get all sparkly, and I've never seen them get that way when she looks at other people, and...well, mainly it's things like that " Tara shrugged.
Susanna nodded. "Well sweetie, if you really like this girl then you need to tell her how you feel about her. I don't want you to not do anything about it, and not give her any indication of your feelings, because for all you know, she might be waiting for you to do something first. I know the fear of rejection is always scary, but being rejected is better than going through life wondering 'What if?'"
Tara smiled at her mother and nodded her head. "I understand Mom. Thanks. I'm trying to work up the courage to do something about it, so hopefully I'll know exactly where I stand soon." Susanna rose from her seat and crossed the desk to her daughter's side, stopping in front of her to kiss her on the top of her head. "You know," Tara continued "I think one of the reasons that I'm not freaking out about my feelings is because I know that no matter what, I have a family that'll support me."
Susanna smiled and tucked a strand of Tara's hair behind her ear "I'm glad Tara. And don't ever forget that that's one thing that will never change."
Tara smiled back as she rose, "Ok, I need to go shower before Willow and I leave for the concert. Are you sure you don't wanna come watch Michelle?"
"I'm sure sweetie. I would have loved to have come, but my producers will be here for my inputs on the show, and I can't put this off."
Nodding her head, Tara walked out of the study as Susanna made her way behind the desk again. Climbing up the stairs, Tara made her way past Willow's room, but stopped outside the redhead's door when she heard humming. Sticking her ear to the door she realized that Willow was humming Michelle Branch's 'Everywhere'. Tara grinned 'Well, it looks like someone's ready for the concert!' After listening for a few more seconds, Tara made her way to her bedroom, ready to hit the shower. Her talk with her mother had definitely made her feel a lot better, and, dare she even think it... 'Hopeful?'