Return to First Steps to Recovery Chapter Three

First Steps to Recovery

Author: Willow Watcher
Rating: NC-17 sexual content and violence.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters of BtVS, they all belong to Joss Whedon and those others out there who have a claim in the series and all other things dealing with Buffy, but I wrote this story. The other characters are mine (copyright 2005 Robbie Kelly)

Tara pulled her car over to the side when she heard the soft sobbing from Willow.

"Are you going to be alright?" She asked putting her hand over Willow's. She sat there with tears streaming down her face. "I don't know. I mean this is an everyday thing. It's nothing really unusual but it's like she's getting worse and I hate to leave her considering she has a problem but I know I can't leave myself in that situation." Willow babbled out wiping her face.

"Julie needs help Will, bad. She's messed up and taking her frustration out on you isn't the solution and you staying with her is not going to make her realize that she has a problem."

Willow stared out the window. "You know, Xander asked me today if I still loved her and I...I just couldn't make up my mind." Willow looked at Tara with sorrowful eyes. "I love her but I'm not in love with her. That left a long time ago."

"But you couldn't leave her." Tara said rubbing Willow's arm.

Willow lowered her head. "I know it was wrong of me to not leave but I thought that it would get better. Ya know, like it was in the beginning." Willow hit her legs with her fist. "Stupid legs! Wouldn't be so bad if..."

Tara held Willow's hand in place. "This is not your fault."

Willow turned her head and looked out her door window.

Tara sighed. "Since Buffy's held up, I'm going to take you to my house."

Turning her head back to Tara, "What?! No Tara I can't do that! You've done enough!"

"You need help getting around Willow and Buffy's still at the hospital. It makes sense and you are more than welcome to stay as long as you need to."

The redhead smiled sadly nodding her answer. She turned her head and looked out at the night sky.

"Home sweet home." Tara giggled as she carried Willow across the threshold.

"Are you going to make an honest woman out of me?" Willow laughed.

Tara smiled and sat Willow down on the couch. "Are you saying that you aren't an honest woman?"

"No that's not what I meant at all. It's just that you were carrying me inside and you said 'home sweet home' and I thought I would make a joke about it and now you don't think I'm an honest woman and why are you laughing at me?" Willow took in a deep breath.

"You are too easy." Tara laughed.

Willow smirked. "Oh first you say that I'm not honest and now you say that I'm easy. How rude!" Willow crossed her arms over her chest and giggled.

"Yep, totally easy! You barely knew me for five minutes this morning and I already had your pants off and in my book that is a record." Tara put her hands on her hips.

"Well, I mean look at you. You with the blue eyes and sexy smile and the way you were touching my legs even though I couldn't feel your hands..." Willow let her sentence drop and lowered her head. "I would give anything to feel..."

Tara stroked Willow's hair. "You will feel again. I believe in that and I believe in you."

Willow looked up. "I know you do and I'm happy that you have confidence in me."

Tara bent down and kissed Willow on the forehead. "I'm going to make you some tea."

"Thanks." Willow watched as the blonde beauty walked away. She laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes thinking about the brief kiss they shared at her house. Soft lips that I would just love to kiss forever and God she is soooo sexy. I would love to just get her out of HER pants...

"Are you asleep? Because if you are that is the cutest sleep smile I've ever seen."

Willow opened her seductively green eyes to see Tara standing, leaning against the door frame. "I, uh, just kinda busy up here." She tapped her head with her finger.

"Is it always busy?" Tara asked walking over and sitting beside Willow.

"Um, sometimes it is. It hasn't had much to think about lately and now it seems like it's a swarm of thoughts is in there."

"I hope it was happy thoughts?" Tara asked smiled her crooked grin.

"Well, I...well...yeah." Willow's face turned the color of her hair. She closed her eyes leaned back on the couch again, hoping beyond hope that it wasn't obvious to what she was thinking.

"Your tea will be ready in a minute." The blonde took Willow's hand into hers.

"Tara, I'm sorry I got you involved in this but I appreciate you coming to my rescue sort-to-speak."

"It was my pleasure. Anything I can do to help."

Willow took in a deep breath. "I don't want you to think that Julie is a bad person. She's just a little messed up and some of her methods are kinda way out there but she would never really hurt me."

"Why are you defending her? She could have really hurt you Willow. For God's sake she ran over your wheel chair!" Tara's anger was rising.

"I know that!" Willow spat back. She took in another deep breath. "I'm sorry." She lowered her head and smiled a bit looking at her and Tara's hands together. Huh. Perfect fit.

The sound of whistling came from the kitchen. Tara patted Willow's hand and got up. "Be right back." She said as she slipped from the room.

Willow's cell phone rang. She looked at the display screen and groaned. "Hello."

"Willow, please come home. I'm sorry."

"No Julie I'm not. What you did was the last straw. The only reason I am going to come back there is to get my things. You can have the house. I don't want it." Willow said with tears stinging her eyes.

"Oh God Will, please. I am so sorry. Don't leave me. I love you so much. Stay where you are for tonight and think about us. We've been together too long for this to come between us. Baby, we've been through worse and we always stayed together." Julie pleaded through her sobbing..

"That's the problem Julz, I've suffered enough."

"Has it been that bad with me? Have I been that miserable to be with?"

"YES!" Willow screamed. "It has been hell for years. Ever since my accident you have become worse and unbearable."

"Willow, your tea is..." Tara clamped her hand over her mouth when she saw Willow on her phone.

"Who is that?!" Julie screamed.

"It's none of your business Julie." Willow looked over at Tara letting her know whom she was talking to.

"It's that bitch isn't it?!" Julie yelled again.

Willow sighed.

"You are fucking around on me?! How dare you!"

"Julie, as long as I have been with you I have never cheated on you. You on the other hand have." Willow stated in a cold calm voice.

Tara stood there wide eyed.

"That was years ago Willow and you still haven't let it go? God how long are you going to hold on to the past and you think you are hurting me being with blondie? Fine! If she is what you want then I know of plenty of women to love me and stay with me no matter what." Julie said in a hurtful tone.

"Well, I know that she would be good for me and to me. I know she wouldn't hurt me or hit me and I'm sure she wouldn't run over my wheel chair and crush it in my driveway! And if you want someone who can tolerate your sorry ass then by all means, go for it!" Willow shouted.

"Fuck you Willow and your little whore!" Julie screamed making Willow pull the phone back.

Willow cringed and looked over at Tara.

"Goodbye Julie." Willow turned her phone off and placed it on the table beside the couch.

Tara walked over and gently placed the hot cup of tea in Willow's hands. "Is there anything else I can do?" She asked letting Willow know that she was there for her.

Willow looked down into her cup and shook her head. A single tear ran from her face and landed on her hand. She wiped it away furiously and giggled. "I don't know why I'm crying. After all, I am the one who is leaving her." More tears ran down her face. She looked at Tara.

The blonde looked into Willow's eyes. The frail redhead's expression of sadness could break a thousand hearts. "It hurts." Was all she could say. Well how lame was that! She chastised herself.

Tara reached over and took the hot drink from Willow's hand and placed it on the coffee table. She gathered the sobbing woman in her arms and let her cry.

"All tucked in." Tara said as she pulled the blanket up to Willow's chest.

"Yep!" Willow smiled. "I haven't been pampered like this since I was a kid and my mom didn't really tuck me in the bed. She was all with the 'Willow you are old enough to put yourself in the bed.' And I was three at the time." She giggled and snuggled under the blanket.

"Well now I think you deserve a little attention." Tara smiled and placed a tender kiss on Willow's forehead.

"Will you stay in here with me?" The redhead asked.

"Um, well I was going to sleep on the couch. It pulls out to a bed." Tara told her gathering her pajamas from the dresser.

"I don't want to put you out. I could sleep on the couch. It's not like I'm going anywhere."

"Willow." Tara said giving her a glance.

"Well, what if I have to go to the bathroom. I don't know exactly where it is and this bed is kinda off the floor a bit higher than mine and I might fall and hurt myself. Oh, I might break my arm and then you would have to take me to the emergency room and be there with me until the doctors patch me up and it would just be simpler if you stayed here beside me that way we wouldn't have to spend the night in the hospital." Willow took in a deep breath. "You wouldn't want that would you?"

Tara rolled her eyes and laughed. "O.K. O.K. You make a convincing argument."

Willow clapped her hands and grinned from ear to ear like a child who had discovered a hundred presents under the Christmas tree.

"Let me get changed and ready for bed." Tara slipped into the bathroom.

Yay! I get to sleep with her. Well not sex sleep but I can dream about it. Willow thought putting a huge smile on her face.

Tara emerged from the bathroom in a light blue silk nightgown that was cut low at the top and high enough at the bottom to come above her knees.

Willow stared with her mouth hung open. An angel. She is an angel with a very sexy gown on. She bit her bottom lip as a surge of heat ran down to her center. "Nice gown!" She squeaked out.

"Thank you." Tara lowered her head and slipped under the covers.

Both laid there on their backs staring at the ceiling. "Goodnight." They both said at the same time.

Willow turned over to look at Tara then back at the ceiling. Tara looked over at Willow then back up.

"Better get to sleep. We have a big day tomorrow." The blonde said taking in a deep breath.

"Yep. Sleep. Sleep is a good thing. Need the rest." Willow said still staring up.

Tara smiled. She rolled on her side, her back to the other woman. "Goodnight Willow."

"Night." Willow told her then closed her eyes.

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