Author: Chris Cook
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Based on characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer created by Joss Whedon and his talented minionators, and A Midsummer Night's Dream by William Shakespeare.

ATHENS. The piazza, a busy marketplace.

[Enter HARMONY, JONATHAN, DEVON, MICHAEL, LARRY, and SCOTT.]

Larry: Is all our company here?

Jonathan: You were best to call them generally, man by man-

Harmony: Hey!

Jonathan: -according to the scroll.

Larry: Here is the scroll of every man's-

Harmony: Hello?

Larry: -and woman's name, which is thought fit, through all Athens, to play in our interlude before the duke and duchess on his wedding-day at night.

Jonathan: First, good Larry Blaisdell, say what the play treats on; then read the names of the actors;

Harmony: Dammit!

Jonathan: -and actresses; and so grow to a point.

Larry: Marry, our play is - The most lamentable comedy, and most cruel tragedy of Angel and Cordelia.

Jonathan: A very good piece of work, I assure you, and a merry. - Now, good Larry, call forth your actors-

Harmony: Listen you-

Jonathan: - we get it, Harmony, enough - Larry, call forth your actors by the scroll. - Masters, spread yourselves.

Harmony: I am not touching that.

Larry: Answer as I call you. - Jonathan Levenson, the geek.

Jonathan: Ready. Name what part I am for, and proceed.

Larry: You, Jonathan, are set down for Angel.

Jonathan: What is Angel? A lover, or a tyrant?

Larry: A lover, that is entombed in the ocean's deep most gallantly for love.

Jonathan: That will ask some tears in the true performing of it. If I do it, let the audience look to their eyes; I will move storms; I will condole in some measure. Think you that I should brood, in this part? To the rest. - yet my chief humour is to play a tyrant; I could play William the Bloody rarely. - Now, name the rest of the players.

Larry: Devon MacLeish, the lead singer.

Devon: Here, Larry.

Larry: You must take Cordelia on you.

Devon: What is Cordelia? A wandering knight?

Larry: It is the lady that Angel must love.

Devon: Nay, let me not play a woman; I have a beard coming; and the band would jest about it until the end of time.

Harmony: Guys? Actual woman here, I could be Cordelia.

Devon: Yes, let Harmony play Cordelia's part, and for me a more manly role.

Larry: I'm not risking it. Cordelia is a lady of virtue true.

Harmony: Well I'm... I mean... I could... dammit!

Larry: That's all one; Devon, you shall play it in a mask, and you may speak as small as you will.

Jonathan: And I may hide my face, let me play Cordelia too! I'll speak in a monstrous little voice. 'Ah, Angel, my lover dear; thy Cordelia dear! And lady dear!'

Larry: No, no, you must play Angel; and Devon, you Cordelia.

Jonathan: Well, proceed.

Larry: Scott Hope, the miscellaneous guy.

Scott: Here, Larry.

Larry: Scott Hope, you must play Angel's associate Lorne. - Michael Czajak, the wicca guy.

Michael: Here, Larry.

Larry: You, Angel's son Connor; myself, Cordelia's friend Fred; - Harmony Kendall the groupie, you, Skip, the unearthly warrior's part; - and, I hope, here is a play fitted.

Harmony: Have you Skip's part written? Pray you, if it be, give it me, for I am slow of study.

Larry: No kidding. But you may do it extempore, for it is nothing but standing around in an impressive outfit.

Jonathan: Let me play Skip too; I will be unearthly, that it will do any man's heart woe to see me; I will be as a creature of untold realms, that I will make the duke say, 'let him play again, for he is uncanny to behold!'

Larry: And you should do it too terribly you would frighten the duchess and the ladies, that they would shriek; and that were enough to hang us all.

Jonathan: I grant you, friends, if that you should frighten the ladies out of their wits, they would have no more discretion but to hang us; but I will aggravate my voice so that I will seem as sweet an unearthly warrior as did ever dwell upon forbidden paths; as gentle as any suckling dove-

Larry: You can play no part but Angel! For Angel is a sweet-faced man; a proper man, as one should see on a summer's day; a most lovely, gentleman-like man, provided he has not the company of a lady in his bed; therefore you needs must play Angel. - Masters, here are your parts; and I am to entreat you, request you, and desire you, to con them by tomorrow night; and meet me in the palace wood; there we will rehearse; for if we meet in the city, we shall be dogg'd with company, and out devices known. In the meantime I will draw a bill of properties, such as our play wants. I pray you, fail me not.

Jonathan: We will meet; and there we may rehearse more obscenely-

Harmony: We're doing what now?

Jonathan: -and courageously. Take pains; be perfect; adieu.

Larry: At the duke's wood we meet.

[Exeunt]