The turnout was larger than expected, the lecture hall was filled to the brim, people were squashed close together on the benches, hips and thighs helplessly touching. Some couples simply dispensed with the pretence and sat on each other's laps. Every single inch of the floor area was occupied.
There was a hush as a bespectacled gentleman in an immaculate tweed three-piece suit walked on the stage, creases in his pants perfectly sharp, his back ramrod straight, not a single hair out of place. The audience gasped at his shiny glasses, there were whispers that it was the latest 7.82b version of the Ultimate Eyeglasses with Automatic Sonic Cleaner.
He stepped on the lectern and automatically ran his white-gloved finger along the underside of the lecture notes holder, smiling satisfactorily to himself as he inspected the quality.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the third of a series of nine lectures on Upholding Clean City's Over-riding Principle in the Matter of Copulation and Fornication. As Mayor of Clean City, I can't emphasize enough how important it is to keep our city spotlessly clean at all times, regardless of what activity you engage in.
"Today it is my pleasure to welcome Professor Anya Jenkins, of the Department of Gunkophobia. Professor Jenkins is the inventor, together with Professor Yamamoto in Japan, of the dust slippers for cats. Professor Jenkins has kindly agreed to provide us with an update on the newest inventions that will help couples in their nightly activities.
"Now before I turn the floor over to Professor Jenkins, might I remind the young couples in the audience that the act of making love is to be revered, and not engaged in lightly. Most of all, remember what you were taught in Sex Ed 101 -- You MUST Clean up afterwards!
"Now without further ado, I present to you ... Professor Anya Jenkins!" he announced, before taking a seat at the side of the stage.
To rapturous applause, a bottle-blonde woman of indeterminate age, but well-pressed and groomed, dressed in pink Chanel suit with white fur trimming, fishnet stockings and 3-inch Prada heels, stepped confidently onto the lectern. She cast her eyes impassively over the body of the audience before beginning her lecture.
"Thank you Mayor Giles, I can't reiterate how proud I am to be part of this incredible city, which, under your leadership, has achieved levels of cleanliness never seen before," she started.
Turning to the audience, she continued. "Today I would like to touch on the subject of sex aids. We are lucky that our educators decided that our children are to be introduced to the pleasures of sex from an early age, so they are taught the correct, and of course the only, way of engaging in the act. I've heard rumors that in other cities, couples actually have sex before 10pm, and not only do they not use the bed, they don't bathe afterwards!"
The last statement was met by disbelief in the audience, with gasps of barely concealed disgust and much shaking of heads.
"Yes, it's appalling, simply appalling," she said sternly.
"I've been an inventor and sex counselor for many years, more years than I care to recall," she smiled ruefully. An audience member shouted out, "but professor, you look so young!" to whom she nodded her agreement.
"I have several products for you today, I assure you that each one will perfectly satisfy both partners in each stage of the sex process and guarantee orgasms that are out of this world, every time," she smiled sagely.
"My first product is a variation of the every day face mask, the one you wear when you're feeling sniffly or coughy and don't want to spread your germs around. But while you're masked, it's inconvenient for eating and drinking. The current design gives no option but to remove it thereby exposing the people around you to your germs and that's discourteous. Additionally, not only are you inconvenienced at mealtimes, you're forced to abstain from oral sex too.
"I have made a simple enhancement, I have added a zip fastener to the mask, to allow instant oral access. With the zip opening you're free to eat whatever you fancy, without the fear of contamination. Those of you who have been turned off by oral sex because of the fear of touching a zone that is also used for passing out bodily waste materials will be happy to know that the zippered mask gives you protection in that area. In fact, I foresee a City-wide decree that from now on, all oral sex activities must be performed with the zippered mask," she concluded triumphantly, while holding one such mask for all to see. She unzipped the compartment and stuck her fingers in and out of the opening, obviously trying to make an innuendo.
The audience was stunned, and gave her a thunderous round of applause. Many were seen nodding in relief, that their fear of touching that area assuaged.
Mayor Giles was furiously drafting the decree for the next city council meeting.
"For my next demonstration, I'd like two women volunteers. It'll be an advantage if they're already sexually active, preferably with each other. Come on, don't be shy," she looked keenly at the audience, most of whom decided at that particular moment that the floor or ceiling were much more interesting.
Professor Jenkins frowned. Prudes. She turned to Mayor Giles and smiled sweetly. "Mayor, would you do the honors?" she breathed each word out, like a good seductress would do.
"Um, er, may be ...," he hesitated. His eyes roamed desperately before picking out a couple who were standing closer to each other than decorum dictated. "You two, Aisle Ushers! Over here," he commanded.
The two ushers in question jumped and stared at him in dismay. However he was the mayor, so they knew they had no option but to obey. They made their way hesitantly towards the stage, the mocking sniggers of the audience ringing sharply in their ears.
Professor Jenkins regarded them critically. "You'll do. What are your names?" she asked bluntly.
"Willow," answered the redhead, who was beginning to sound mildly irritated.
"Tara," said the blonde, in a voice that suggested she wanted to crawl into a dark, dank cave and not be noticed.
"It's okay," Willow reassured. "I won't let them hurt you, honey," she whispered softly, extending her hand to Tara's back and soothing gently.
Tara nodded and smiled gratefully.
"Are you two sexually active? Have you seen each other naked? Had multiple, simultaneous orgasms yet?" Professor Jenkins fired at them.
They looked at her in horror, neither able to gather enough wits to say a word.
"Whatever. Now I'll need you, what's your name again?" she turned on the blonde, who muttered something. "Tara, right. I'll need you put these on."
Tara stared unbelievably at the rambling professor, who had just given her what looks like a pair of condoms, even though they were smaller and their middle peaked slightly.
"You don't know what these are?" Professor Jenkins asked incredulously. Both Tara and Willow shook their heads. "Where have you been? These are Mood Indicators. You put them over your nipples and they change color depending on your mood and state of arousal," she explained. "Now take your clothes off and put them on."
"Wait a minute!" Willow protested.
"What? You're refusing? No one refuses me," the professor said, with a glance at the mayor, who nodded his assent. "You don't have to show your tits to the audience, you can go behind the screen and your girlfriend can shout the results out."
Tara swallowed hard. "May be if the lights are dimmed," she appealed, her eyes on Willow.
Right on clue, the lights dimmed so the audience was no longer visible, and a soft light shone on the stage area.
Tara turned away from the audience, went behind the screen area and mentally prepared to take her top off. Willow meanwhile had moved in front of her and gave her a big smile of encouragement.
"Why are we doing this?" Tara asked.
"Because the mayor told us to," Willow answered. "Are you not comfortable doing this? I'll tell the professor and mayor no, even if it means we get into the mayor's little black book."
"No, that's fine. If you stand in front of me and if I keep my back to the screen I won't feel so exposed," Tara said.
"Oh yeah, no one sees Tara boobies but me," Willow said sternly.
Professor Jenkins' voice rang out. "Are you ready?" she shouted.
Tara looked at Willow for a short moment and then started to unbutton her shirt.
"We are," Willow said.
"Right, it should be obvious how they go, they fit onto the nipple like little hoods, the underside have a mild adhesive so they don't fall off. Do you have them?" the professor asked.
By then Tara was topless, and even in the dim light Willow was rendered speechless at the sight of her beloved Tarabreasts in front of her.
Tara saw the appreciation in Willow's eyes and her confidence grew. "Will, put these on me," she said, handing over the mood indicators. "Tell me something, to take my mind off the fact that I'm sitting topless and the only thing protecting me from hundreds of greedy eyes is this screen and you."
Willow tenderly attached the hoods to Tara's nipples, watching them stiffen at her touch. That's me, I caused that reaction. She brushed across them once more and was rewarded with a shiver down Tara's body.
"Feels so good," Tara purred.
Willow was about to continue when she was interrupted.
"What color are they?" Professor Jenkins asked.
"Um, blue," Willow answered. Then she spoke softly so only Tara could hear. "Dark blue. Blue as your eyes when you look at me at the end of the day and I know what you want because that's what I want too."
"Okay, blue is for happiness, so Tara, are you happy?" That was the professor.
"Yes," Tara said.
"Now Willow, kiss your girlfriend and tell us what color," came further instructions.
Tara wanted to ask a question but Willow was already kissing her. When she pulled back, they were both breathing heavily.
"Red," she reported. "Red hot. Burning," she whispered. Tara blushed.
"Excellent," Professor Jenkins concluded. "Well, you can get dressed now, if you continue kissing each other, arousal increases and the indicators will turn purple. The intensity of the purple depends on the state of arousal of course. Pale purple nipples, like a light lilac, says to your lover I'm ready. Dark purple nipples, like a rich plum color, screams Take me now!"
Tara finished dressing and they emerged from behind the screen. They bowed to the audience and Professor Jenkins asked them to stay on stage as observers, sitting them with Mayor Giles.
Even though they were sure the mayor would disapprove, they kept their hands entwined, neither willing to let go.
"Do we have to wait till 10 o'clock?" Willow asked, her thumb gently but insistently stroking the back of Tara's hand.
"It's the rules," Tara breathed, leaning closer to Willow so they were as close as possible.
"How bendy do you think the rules are?" Willow said through clenched teeth, feeling Tara's closeness, yet frustrated at not being able to touch her or kiss her senseless, as every cell inside is screaming out to her.
"I dunno, how bendy do you think we are?" Tara asked.
"I'm feeling very bendy," Willow stated.
Tara smiled her half-smile. "Me too."
They didn't notice Mayor Giles, on their other side, trying not to listen and having to cross and uncross his legs several times.
The lights returned to normal settings and the professor continued with her lecture.
"Now when you think of toothbrushes, whether manual or electric, what do you use them for?" she asked the audience.
"Brushing teeth," said one smartass.
"Cleaning grime off my son's sneakers," said one Mom type.
"Making pretty patterns on my painting," said a hippie-arty type.
"Well I'm proud to present what I'm calling the Swiss Army Knife of Toothbrushes. It looks like a regular electric toothbrush with a cell phone handle, but it actually is a cell phone. It also hides a pen-knife, spork and mini-screwdriver. See how the components retract like a regular Swiss army knife?" she demonstrated. "It also has a small internal heater so it doubles as hand warmer in cold weather.
"But wait! There's more! Now I know you're wondering what these functions have to do with this lecture. Well, I'm going to tell you. There is another function that toothbrushes are used for - one I specifically designed myself.
"You can help the environment by continuing to use your toothbrushes when they're worn and can't be used for cleaning teeth anymore. They're excellent used as sex toys, particularly for women. Gently rub the backside, not the brushes, on a woman's private parts and I guarantee instantaneous climax. The brush side might be too rough, but if your woman is in need of a more intense sensation, I suggest using the brushes softly. Let me demonstrate. Can I have another volunteer?"
She looked round expectedly, but the audience was again busy examining the floor or the backs of the seats in front of them. She did spy one young blonde girl who was obviously itching to raise her hand. She was about to point to the girl when she heard choking and coughing behind her, she looked back and Mayor Giles was cleaning his glasses and shaking his head imperceptibly.
Yep, definitely prudes. "Well then ... that concludes the lecture part of my talk," she said. The audience gave her a well-deserved standing ovation.
"Before I move on, I'd like to thank Mayor Giles and our two volunteers. To show my appreciation, I'm presenting to each of them a special gift," she said as she handed a small, immaculately wrapped box to all three. "A Lady Anya special, only recently added to the line. It's unisex, and makes a perfect gift for any man or woman."
The audience hadn't stopped clapping, and with that, Professor Jenkins began her Q&A session.
Their supervisor relieved them of ushering duties. "Seeing how you're famous now, you go enjoy those mood indicators Professor Jenkins gave you," she said with a wink.
As soon as they were alone, they looked quickly around, and pounced on each other immediately.
"Oh Tara, you're so beautiful," Willow moaned into the blonde's lips, savoring the softness and salty taste. She opened her mouth a fraction and proceeded to lick Tara's luscious full lips.
Tara's moans echoed Willow's. "I didn't want to do it, but it was so exciting, so sexy, to be naked to you and you only. That there was a roomful of people and all I wanted was to show you."
"I want you so much, I can't wait till tonight," Willow pleaded.
Tara nodded and took Willow's hand. "Let's go home."
It took them less time than usual to run home, by the time they kicked their door shut they were out of breath, though not all from the running.
Lips found each other without prompting and slick bodies rubbed urgently in perfect synchronization. A moan, two, echoed from their bodies, around the hallway, permeating every molecule of the air around them and the paint on the walls. Even the ghosts in the apartment were caught up in the intensity of the moment.
The kiss was long and hard. The air grew heated. The need to touch surged and swelled from deep within, gathering strength till it could no longer be contained.
The first touch was like hot coal on ice, as fiery as it was brief. Slick fingers found their way instinctively to the places they belonged, through the warmth wetness that welcomed and overwhelmed.
A lifetime of education were in danger of dissipating in that moment. Voices from the late night infomercials mocked them.
...uperSlick Cleaning Spray, gets rid of unwanted smells and stickiness with just one wipe ...
"We have to get ... bed ... sheet ..." Willow groaned.
"No time ... don't ... care," Tara grunted.
"Oh fuck it," Willow squeaked as she pumped her fingers faster while latching her teeth onto Tara's neck.
"No. Fuck me," Tara growled, and mirrored her lover's actions.
"We're rebels," Willow hummed.
For the next four, twenty, a hundred and thirty minutes, even the ghosts blushed.
Eventually they made it to the bed, though their clothes were strewn about the room and they ensured that the bedsheets would need maximum laundry action, but that was afterwards. Now, it didn't matter.
Their attention turned to the neatly boxed gifts from Professor Jenkins.
"What do you think they are?" Willow asked as she reached for one and started to pull the ribbon off.
"Won't know till we open them," Tara said, carefully opening the other box.
"What the -"
They could scarcely believe what they saw, and were gingerly picking up in their hands.
"What are these?"
"I dunno. Look, instructions."
The pressed play on the tiny recording device accompanying the gifts, and Professor Jenkins' voice soon filled the bedroom.
"Congratulations! You are one of the very few specially selected and privileged recipients of Lady Anya's patented Mini-Tongue Thongs version 3.5. This unique unisex garment gives a new meaning to the term Good Clean Fun. Made of material developed at NASA for use by astronauts, it cleans and renews itself, and will retain its freshness and built-in lemony scent for days. The small tongue-like attachments at the inside surface are suitable for both men and women, the tiny rotations providing just the right pressure to imitate the action of your partner's tongue on your most intimate and needy regions.
"The speed and movement of the small tongues are controlled by a wireless remote unit that is so small that it can be slipped inside a jacket pocket without ruining the cutting. One charge of the battery provides a whole day's fun, in private or public. Why not give up control by handing the remote unit to your partner who will then dictate when and how much your pleasure could be?
"The Mini-Tongue Thong comes in sizes extra small through extra extra large. You can also choose between a thong, giving maximum friction; or a more traditional midi size that gives a snugger fit and added protection. It's available in white, pink, red, blue, purple or black.
This product has my personal endorsement. I wear it myself all the time, you should too."
They looked at each other when the recording finished.
"So -" Tara started.
"Wow -" Willow continued.
"What do you have?" Tara asked.
"Let's see. Oh my god. Red thong with black lace trimmings, very, um, sexy," Willow stuttered.
Tara reached into her box and blushed as she unwrapped the tissue paper. "Mine are pink, with sparkly bits, but feel them, it's like silk, the sparkles are so soft to the touch."
"Hmmm, I can run my hands over them all the time," she commented, appreciating the feel of the material in her hands. "Want to try them on?"
"You want me to put items of clothing on? I thought you like me bare as a baby," Tara teased.
"They're sexy clothing, besides I want to feel," Willow replied.
The sight, smell and feel of the thongs were so exquisite, they didn't want to take them off. And they didn't, for several days, several very tiring yet highly pleasurable days.
Even the ghosts were pleased.
Thank you, Professor Jenkins.