My eyes are swollen I cannot see,
I must be stupid I must be bad,
What else could have made
made my daddy so mad?
I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy would still want to hug me.
I can't speak at all I can't do a wrong
Or else I'm locked up all the day long.
When I awake I'm all alone
The house is dark my folks aren't home
When my mommy does come I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight.
Don't make a sound! I just heard a car
My daddy is back from Charlie's Bar.
I hear him curse my name he calls
I press myself against the wall
I try and hide from his evil eyes
I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry
He finds me weeping he shouts ugly words,
He says it's my fault that he suffers at work.
He slaps me and hits me and yells at me more,
I finally get free And I run for the door.
He's already locked it and I start to bawl,
He takes me and throws me against the hard wall.
I fall to the floor with my bones nearly broken,
And my daddy continues with more bad words spoken.
"I'm sorry!", I scream but it's now much too late
His face has been twisted into unimaginable hate
The hurt and the pain again and again
Oh please God, have mercy! Oh please let it end!
And he finally stops and heads for the door,
While I lay there motionless sprawled on the floor
My name is Willow and I am but three,
Tonight my daddy Murdered me.
Willow sat quietly in her seat, trying to keep her attention of the teacher. She tried not to fidget from all her bruises.
She didn't like kindergarten very much. All the other kids had friends and played with each other. She wanted to say 'hi', but she was too scared.
They were supposed to be coloring what they had done over the summer. All the other kids were eagerly into their task. She didn't know what to draw, she'd spent her summer locked in her room.
Her grip tightened on the yellow crayon. Yellow was a happy color. Yellow meant the outside. Yellow meant warmth.
She jabbed the yellow crayon onto her paper in anger. It broke.
Fear shot down her spine. Would she get in trouble? Would the teacher hit her? Would the teacher tell her parents? That last thought made her cry. She didn't want anyone telling her parents that she was bad.
She jumped as she felt a hand clasp onto her shoulder.
"Hi!" Willow looked up to see a little boy smiling at her. "Why are you crying? Don't be sad!"
"I-I..." she sniffled, trying not to cry. "I b-broke the yellow crayon..." She held the pieces in her tiny hands.
Willow froze waiting for him to tell the teacher and get her in trouble.
"Miss Calendar!" The boy called out. The woman made her way over to them, smiling.
Willow inwardly cringed, waiting to get in trouble, and trying to push down her anger at the boy.
"Do you need anything Xander?" Miss Calendar asked.
"Willow and I were coloring," he said and Willow waited for him to tattle, "And I accidentally broke the yellow crayon. Can we have another?"
The teacher smiled. "Of course." She walked over to the big table and got them one. "Have fun."
Willow sat there, not knowing what to think. He knew her name; he knew who she was. Those were the first thoughts that entered her mind. Then it finally sunk in, what he'd done. He'd taken the blame for her. He hadn't gotten her in trouble.
Xander curiously looked at the girl before him. She looked more like two than four, but he wasn't one to make fun of her. He knew what it felt like to be different. He didn't really know what had made him go to her. Maybe it was that she looked so alone sitting there, so fearful. He'd seen her the past week; she hadn't spoken to anyone. He had begun to feel something completely different as the days went on. He wanted to protect her.
"Hi." Xander smiled at her.
Willow smiled back.
Willow slowly closed the door, hoping not to disturb her mother, who was lying drunk in front of the T.V.
She tried to sneak quietly up to her room. "Willow!" She froze, hearing her mommy's voice. "Is that you?!" It didn't sound so bad. Maybe today was a good day. Her hope faded as her mommy came into the room. Willow kept herself from crying out as the hand slapped her face. "When I talk to you I want answer you bitch!"
Willow stood there whimpering, trying her best to be invisible. She received another slap.
"Answer me!" Slap!
She stared at the floor. "Sorry mommy."
"Don't you talk to me you bastard!"
Her mother walked away, leaving Willow gasping for breath on the floor. The little girl slowly brought herself to her feet and crawled away to the confines of her room.
Willow collapsed onto her bed.
"It's okay." She felt a soft hand brushing her hair lovingly. "It's okay to cry Sweetie."
Willow smiled as her dream woman comforted her. She let the tears out. Why couldn't her dream woman be real and save her?
She couldn't remember the first time Dream had come to her. All she knew was that she never wanted Dream to go away. She wanted to remain dreaming forever.
"Guess what?!" If anyone wanted to hear about her day, Dream would.
A smile tugged at Dream's blue eyes. "What?"
"I..." she smiled, "I think I made a friend today."
Willow nodded happily. "His name is Xander and I broke the yellow crayon and he said he did it and got me another one!"
Dream gave Willow a hug. "Wow!"
Blue eyes sparkled at her. "Yeah?"
"Promise you'll never leave me?"
"I would never even think of it."
Willow woke up to hear her parents yelling downstairs. She curled herself up on her bare mattress, praying that neither parent came upstairs. She didn't get her wish.
"Get the fuck downstairs you bitch!" Her daddy glared at her.
She slowly got off her bed and cautiously made her way past her daddy. He tripped her and laughed. "Clumsy aren't you?" he sneered.
She averted her gaze and continued to the kitchen. She took her place at the table. She wasn't allowed to eat anything; she could only watch.
Her belly rumbled as she eyed the food going into her parents' mouths. She'd have to go through the trash later to get some.
When dinner was over, she was left by herself to do the dishes. She grabbed her stool so she'd be able to reach the sink.
She reached for a plate and began to sing softly to herself that Dream had song to her. She decided that when she was big, she would marry Dream. Dream would take care of her. Dream would be nice.
"What're you doing?!" She froze, hearing her daddy's voice. "I asked you a question!"
"I'm cleaning daddy."
Punch! "Don't get smart with me! You were singing!" Punch! She could feel the blood running from her nose.
Willow back away fearfully. She ran. Her daddy grabbed her by the hair. "You bitch!" He smashed her face into the hard kitchen counter. "Don't." Smash! "You." Smash! "Ever!" Smash! "Sing." Smash! "Again!" Smash! Smash! He threw her to the floor and left her there. She didn't move until she heard the house door slam shut.
She hurt all over.
She wouldn't sing again.
"Are you okay?" Xander looked at Willow with worry on his face. Willow sighed, today was his eighth birthday, he shouldn't have been worrying about her.
She gave him a weak smile. "I'm fine. Just tired." It was true enough, she hadn't gotten any sleep the night before. She'd been forced to sleep in the freezer chest again.
Willow groaned. "Yeah."
"Hey!" The two children looked to see Cordilla smirking at them. "If it isn't the loser squad!" She laughed at the two of them.
"Go 'way Cordy!" Xander glared at the girl.
The brunette smirked. "No problem, I don't see why anyone one want to be around you two."
Willow stood with her faced smashed into the mirror, repeating over and over that she was a "Bad Girl". Her mommy would be in soon to see if she was still at the mirror.
Her hand went to her stomach, where she had knifed by her daddy a year earlier. It still bothered her and it always looked red.
She always hurt.
"Hey there!" Dream smiled lovingly at her. Willow jumped onto the couch and took a place next to the blonde. "How are you doing?"
Willow placed her arms around the woman's waist. "Please take me away." She tightened her embrace. "Please."
Dream's eyes teared up. "I'm sorry Sweetie. I wish to the Goddess I could, but I'm not allowed to se you. I'm not really even allowed to talk to you now."
"Oh." Willow was crying now.
"But," Dream gave Willow a chaste kiss on the cheek, "The moment I'm able, I'll come. And I'll take you away. I swear it."
Willow stared in horror at the sight before her. Oh Goddess, she thought, I'm dying!
She stifled a cry as she stared at the blood in her underwear. She was dying!
She ran to the sink and began to scrub. She couldn't let her mom or dad find out. They'd... she didn't even want to think about it.
Willow collapsed onto the floor and began to sob.
"What's wrong?" Willow refused to let her mom see her face. "Come out with it!" Slap!
She couldn't say anything though, she was too ashamed of herself.
She winced. There was yet another broken bone.
"Well?" Her mom glared at her.
She had no choice. What did she need any dignity for anyway? "I'm dying." Her mom laughed. "I am! I'm bleeding to death!" Her mom laughed even more. Willow felt her face flush.
Suddenly, her mom got a weird look in her eyes. A sneer slithered onto her face. "Yes." The sneer grew. "You are dying Willow."
Willow blinked in surprise. Neither of her parents called her by name when they were alone.
"What's going on?" She jumped as her father entered the room.
Her mom laughed. "The Girl had The Period." Laugh! "She's dying!" Laugh! Slap! Laugh!
Her father looked at her oddly as he left the room. The look he had given her made her shiver.
She tossed herself into Dream's lap. "I'm dying!" she sobbed.
Dream cradled the young girl in her arms. Even at the age of eleven, Willow still looked like a little girl. "Why do you think that Sweetie?"
"I'm bleeding to death!"
"I don't see any blood." Dream didn't laugh at her. "Where are you bleeding?"
Willow knew by the look Dream was giving her that the woman already knew. She'd tell her anyway. Dream wouldn't laugh at her. She whispered it into the blonde's ear.
"Oh Sweetie!" Dream enveloped Willow in a giant hug. "You're not dying! You're becoming a woman!" Willow stared at her. "It's normal Sweetie, every woman has it."
Dream laughed now, though not a mean laugh. "Yes Sweetie, I get it!"
Suddenly, Willow seemed to deflate. Dream immediately got worried. "What's wrong."
Willow's cheeks burned with embarrassment. "I..." Dream wouldn't laugh at her. "For a moment... for a moment I wished I was dying."
Willow gripped Xander's hand in fear. "I don't want to go!"
"It's just high school Wills!" Xander tried to reassure his friend. "Don't be afraid. I'll protect you."
She managed to calm herself down and thought of Dream. Dream would protect her.
Willow went in with Xander.